Thread: Jokes

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Airport pickup....

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An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.
The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.
The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"
The Scotsman says to the Englishman:
"Watch this, a Scotsman is always cleverer than an Englishman."
He says to the baker,
"Give me a cookie, I can show you a magic trick!"
The baker gives him the cookie which the Scotsman promptly eats.
Then he says to the baker:
"Give me another cookie for my magic trick."
The baker is getting suspicious but he gives it to him. He eats this one too.
Then he says again:
"Give me one more cookie... "
The baker is getting angry now but gives him one anyway. The Scotsman eats this one too.
Now the baker is really mad, and he yells:
"And where is your famous magic trick?"
The Scotsman says:
"Look in the Englishman's pocket!"

A man went into a Frankston supermarket asking to buy half a cauliflower.
The young greens produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers.

The man persisted, and asked to see the manager; so the assistant went to find him.

Walking into the stock room, unaware that the customer was following him, the boy said to his manager, "Some idiot out there wants to buy half a cauliflower."

As he finished his sentence, he turned and was horrified to find the customer now standing right behind him so, quick as a flash, he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the assistant "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier.

We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?" "Pentith, sir," the boy replied. “Why did you leave Penrith?" the manager asked.

“Sir, there's absolutely nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players,” the boy replied.

"Really?" said the manager, "My wife is from Penrith."

"Are you kidding!?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

I got a part time job making plastic Draculas.

It's great but there are only two of us, so I have to make every second count.

This describes the health system with regards front line verus bureaucracy perfectly

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