Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Saitch

Bdoub.jpg

Ken Maynard could have had some fun with that. PM would have had a few more lights, for a start. I suppose his trademark galah is driving the truck.

Disclaimer. Never drove a triple, let alone backed one. I might make a pig's breakfast out of it too.

With Valentine's Day coming up, I'd like to say that when I bring someone breakfast in bed, a simple thank you will suffice, not a whole lot of questions like, "what are you doing, who are you, how'd you get in here?".

Originally Posted by RANDLOVER

With Valentine's Day coming up, I'd like to say that when I bring someone breakfast in bed, a simple thank you will suffice, not a whole lot of questions like, "what are you doing, who are you, how'd you get in here?".

I can do without the earsplitting shrieks as well.

During a robbery in Guangzhou, China, the bank robber shouted to everyone in the bank: "Don't move. The money belongs to the State. Your life belongs to you."
Everyone in the bank lay down quietly. This is called a "Mind-changing concept,” which changes conventional thinking.
When a lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her: "Please be civilized! This is a robbery and not a rape!"
This is called "Being Professional.” Focus only on what you are trained to do!
When the bank robbers returned home, the younger robber (MBA-trained) told the older robber (who had only completed Year 6 in primary school): "Big brother, let's count how much we got."
The older robber rebutted and said: "You are foolish. There is so much money it will take us a long time to count. The TV news will tell us how much we robbed from the bank tonight!"
This is called "Experience.” Nowadays, experience is more important than paper qualifications!
After the robbers had left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. But the supervisor told him: "Wait! Let us take out $10 million from the bank for ourselves and add it to the $70 million we have previously embezzled from the bank”.
This is called "Swim with the Tide.” Converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!
The supervisor says: "It will be good if there is a robbery every month."
This is called "Killing Boredom.” Personal Happiness is more important than your job.
The next day, the TV news reported that $100 million had been taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted, but they could only count $20 million. They angrily complained, "We risked our lives and only took $20 million. The bank manager took $80 million with a snap of his fingers. It looks like being educated is better than


being a thief!"
This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold!"
The bank manager smiled and was happy because this robbery covered his share market losses.
This is called "Seizing the opportunity.” Daring to take risks!

FYI Guangzhou is just North of Hong Kong. The place the poms stole so they could sell drugs for tea leaves

Which Roman Emperor suffered terribly from hayfever?...Julius Sneezer.

Originally Posted by RANDLOVER

With Valentine's Day coming up, I'd like to say that when I bring someone breakfast in bed, a simple thank you will suffice, not a whole lot of questions like, "what are you doing, who are you, how'd you get in here?".

Originally Posted by Tins

I can do without the earsplitting shrieks as well.

Next time go to your wife and or girlfriend's house and you'll be fine, except for the "What are you up to?" questions.

I was telling a colleague about the time the police pulled me and the trailer over and I got a ticket for 'excessive ball weight'. He replied, "I hope the copper didn't have cold hands...."

Originally Posted by NavyDiver

I was telling a colleague about the time the police pulled me and the trailer over and I got a ticket for 'excessive ball weight'. He replied, "I hope the copper didn't have cold hands...."

Well they do have the powers of "search and seizure "!