The most common deathbed regrets thread

[NavyDiver]

I am doing it again. I was accused of making some of the most time wasting threads - I am doing it again for one we all may ponder on one day

The most common deathbed regrets, according to a palliative care nurse

According to Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse from Australia, the top five regrets of the dying are123:

• I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life expected of me by others.
• I wish I didn’t work so hard.
• I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
• I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
• I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Hers was interesting.

To continue Bronnie's thread I'll add not jumping ship and staying in Canada with a cute physio therapist in 1986

[3toes]

Only frightening not following through with a boss when leaving due to their behaviour which was being protected by HR. Had provided HR with documentation and personal statements from people impacted about what was going on but nothing happened

Am older now so was satisfied with when in front of the team I walked towards them and they dropped their laptop and went running out of the office. All I had said was hay you. When was younger …….

Regret not being younger as others who could not leave as they needed the qualifications that working there provided continued to suffer

Or living in London for more than 2 years. Once you have been there 2 years, are over 30 or have a family it is not a place to stay. If you do stay it is because you have given up on life. Once you are out you realise how depressing it really is

Not moving back to Australia 10 years ago when had a job offer

Selling my Range Rover which we used when got married. She is not as sentimental as me and convinced me it had to go

These must resonate as they have come to me quickly while reading the post above

[workingonit]

Never really finding out if my Disco 1 was as good as a T model Ford. The oft quoted saying goes "I want to be buried in my T model Ford! Why, asks a friend? Because there's never been a hole it hasn't got me out of!".

I'll add not jumping ship and staying in Canada with a cute physio therapist in 1986

Aye, the old whistling dixie syndrome.

[p38arover]

Not going to bed with a neighbour’s wife when she offered herself to me. 🥲

I told him recently that I’ve always regretted that (he’s known for years about the offer).

[Tins]

I reckon that list of five is on the money. But I have been working on 1 and 3. When Jan died I had counselling for grief. This developed into regular sessions with a psychologist, who has helped me heaps, and was the catalyst for me to stop drinking, which some of you know was probably killing me.

It's too late to do anything about 2, but yes. I spent far too much time away from the people I loved. I wish I had that time back.

4. Well, I never did. No friendship ever seemed strong, no real bonds. I was always a fish out of water in the groups I mixed in.

5. Happy? Take it when it comes.


Pretty sad list really. But, James, I don't think this one is a waste of time at all. One thing counselling has taught me is that talking, I mean really talking, deep stuff, is vital. Young people rarely do it, too busy doing 'stuff'. Getting 'stuff'. I never talked, and it's my deepest regret. It's why bonds were not formed. I know now that my previously unsuspected ADHD had a lot to do with this, but talking helps with that as well.

Number 1 on your list, that's what I try to tell one of my grandsons. He got bullied a bit. I tell him that he needs to just be himself. He gets worried that the other kids won't like him if he doesn't try to fit in. I tell him that those kids won't like him no matter what he does, they'll keep changing the rules. If he is simply himself, and doesn't try to be someone else, then he will find kids who really like him. Shouldn't call him a kid, he just turned 13. ( Funny how things work. His brother, younger, is a bulldozer who doesn't give a stuff if people like him or not. He just is. A force of nature. My son and his wife thought they were perfect parents when they just had the first one. Were they in for a surprise...). I know all this because I was bullied. At school, in the Army. I was different. School because I didn't come from a rich family, Army because I started as a boy in a man's world, especially with the returning 'Nam Vets. I regret not accepting the offers to go to Officer Training ( my education levels were higher than the average soldier back then ). I didn't want to give orders to people I was scared of, and too stupid to realise that they train you for that.

I regret the years wasted in marijuana and alcohol. It isn't special to be able to out bong or outdrink others. It's stupid. But the circles I moved in in the late 70s and 80s all did it.

I don't regret falling in love last year with a 42 year old woman. but I'm sad it didn't last. Well, it probably couldn't. But it was fantastic for about 8 months, so hold onto that.

I'm probably taking this thread too seriously, but I can't help it. As I say, talking about real things is great.

OK. I wish I still had my MG. I wish I still had all of my FIATS. Those twin cams were lovely things, and as reliable as a LR. Wish I still had my XA Falcon ex police car. And most of all wish I still had my Cooper S. I have owned three Holdens, and regret buying all three. Although they would all be worth some $$$ now. FC Special Sedan. Plain Jane EH 149. And a possibly rare HT that was a crossover model that was fitted with the last of the 307 Chev, Powerglide trans that were discontinued after the HK.

I wish I had made Jan go for regular checkups. But I didn't do that either. I do now.


There's a corny Baz Luhrmann movie called Strictly Ballroom. It's a pretty good allegory for number one on the list. Fitting in to convention, living in fear of the judgement of others. And the triumph of breaking free of those shackles. Baz's in your face style is a little hard to take though.

[austastar]

Not going to bed with a neighbour’s wife when she offered herself to me. .

Hi,
But what longterm good would have come from a quick bonk on the side? Not bedding the lass was probably the best move really .

Cheers

[Tins]

Hi,
But what longterm good would have come from a quick bonk on the side? Not bedding the lass was probably the best move really .

Cheers

Agree 100%. One night could have ruined friendships and marriages and lives. Seen it all too often. Of course, if the offer was made then perhaps the marriage wasn't worth saving. Wouldn't want it on my conscience though.

[Tins]

BTW, I really hope I have a lot more years to find new things to regret. And more to cherish.

There's really no sense in regrets, although we have them. Thing is, we have absolutely no idea what paths our lives would have taken if we had made different choices, no knowledge of the possible consequences.

[p38arover]

^^ they are still married many years on. I told him (and my wife) about it at the time.

[Tins]

I told him (and my wife) about it at the time.

Honesty is always the best policy.

And I don't blame you, Ron. Life is full of sweet temptations. Well, it used to be.