Thread: Irish Vasectomy

[quote=incisor;645063]After having their 11th child, an Irish couple decided that was
enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his
doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.

The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to
go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can
up to his ear and count to 10.

The husband said to the doctor, "B'Jayzus, I may not be the smartest
guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next
to my ear is going to help me."

"Trust me, it will do the job", said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a bunger and put it in a beer can. He held
the can up to his ear and began to count: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he
paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue
counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in New Zealand, Tasmania, and on NSW rugby league supporters.[/quote]


Hahahahaha now that's funny, not nice, but funny

Paddy the Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly.
So the morgueneeded someone to identify the body.
His two best friends, Seamus and Sean(also Irishmen), were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled backthe sheet.
Seamus said 'Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over'.
So the mortician rolled him over.
Seamus looked and said 'Nope, it ain't Paddy'.The mortician thought that was rather strange and then he brought Sean in to identify the body.

Sean took a look at him and said, 'Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over'.
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, 'No, it ain'tPaddy'.
The mortician asked, 'How can you tell?
'Sean said, 'Well, Paddy had two arrseholes.
''What, he had two arrseholes???' said the mortician.
'Yup, everyone knew he had two arrseholes.

Every time we went into town,folks would say, 'Here comes Paddy with them two arrseholes....'

Speaking of KIWI's,

Are we related?

A Kiwi and an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold
beer.
After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi,
"If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off
fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and
squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about being related, but it would
make us even."

Another, and this may upset some... however

An interesting parable.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than our Aussie flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on. If not, continue cleaning up the poop!

What he said

Originally Posted by RonMcGr

Another, and this may upset some... however

An interesting parable.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than our Aussie flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on. If not, continue cleaning up the poop!

very funny

Originally Posted by RonMcGr

Another, and this may upset some... however

An interesting parable.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food.

But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table ... everywhere!

Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket.

And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like it used to be ... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal.

Now let's see ....
Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic citizen.

Then the illegal's came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English.

Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than our Aussie flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder.

If you agree, pass it on. If not, continue cleaning up the poop!

Hmm... interesting post... while I see how one would be inclined to agree... I must say I couldn't agree less!... and for that I must recount my experiences as a non-english speaking immigrant to Australia.

Yes, I'm an immigrant... while not illegal, an immigrant never the less... and a non-english speaking one at that! And yes, I have at one stage "leached" off the government and the Australian tax payer! Yes, that is those of you who were paying taxes in the early '90s!!!

Oh, and before I go on to explain myself fully (why I don't agree with the above-expressed views, ) let me say I'm not at all offended by the above post. It's a welcome opportunity to debate the subject (and for me to share my experiences as a non-english speaking migrant in Australia).

When my family first came over ('93), we were not very well off for various reasons (beyond our control). In fact, we couldn't be much worse off.

Can everyone imagine for a second starting their life from scratch in a country which language they don't speak at a tender age of 50?

Well, you'd be in my parents' shoes. They spoke next to no english, and despite the fact they were both engineers in their former lives, they've been unable to get a job in the early years they were here. I'm not talking about an engineering job, I'm talking ANY job, period!

They were past their prime years in the eyes of many, and with poor english skills, employers didn't give them a second look. They've only been able to work in low level, lowly paid jobs such as cleaning houses, offices, building sites and seasonally picking fruit (apples, pears, straweberries etc), which they did whenever they had the opportunity by the way... just so that my brother and I could have a chance of a better life. Their hours were long, the job hard, (they've both shouldered various injuries over the years), the pay was S**T.... and even then, the jobs were few and far in between. (I'm looking for sympathy here... you don't have to cry... but at least try to imagine what it would be like)

In between their jobs, we've received our fair share of government handouts in various forms (newstart, austudy, youth allowance... you name it, chances are I've received it)... heh.. and proud of it!!

But, I can honestly it was a life line for us (and hundreds of others I know who arrived in similar conditions... as well as countless others I don't know, no doubt).

I can imagine some of you think, yeah, that's great for you, but you're living (dare I say leeching?) off my back... how do I benefit, what's in it for me??...

Fair question, I say!...

... Short answer, we contribute our fair share to the economy, helping the country be the great country that it is.

Long answer, it's enabled both my brother and I to get a decent education. We're now both working full time (as well as my parents, who are well into their 60s), earning good (dare I say enviable?) salaries, contributing to the economy for the benefit of those less fortunate (as we once were), as well as those that are well off. The former by paying our fair share of taxes, and the latter by contributing our skills to the economy and by creating jobs and prosperity for others through consumption.

And while some may think that this story is the exception rather than the rule, I've known my fair share of "ethnics", majority of which will tell you a story similar to mine.

I'll also tell you I've voted Labor in this election, and the four others prior to that one, even though I'd be much better off under the Liberal government (which favours the high income earning individuals). Touchy topic here, I know!!

I say tax them... tax ME!! ... for I'm now in a position where I can afford to pay taxes, for the benefit of those needing a hand.

And here's the kicker, I don't mind paying the taxes (having been at the receiving end of the government). I don't even mind my taxes paying for professional dole bludgers who leech off the government (for generations)! In my experience those are few and far in between, compared with those in genuine need. In the long run, (if my experience is anything to go by) it will mean a better country for all.

I guess it may be difficult for some to understand where I'm coming from, not having been there themselves, but it's not limited just to immigrants.

I've been through uni in the early years of Johnnie's reign. My brother, who is 3 years older than me, came through uni with a HECS debt of approximately $10K... my generation paid over $25K, and today's generation is paying as much as $125K in uni fees over the life of their course. This means only a select few, the priviledged ones will be able to afford an education. Others, who have the desire/ability, but not the means will miss out. And the effects of that? Well... just take a look at George W... he's priviledged... need I say more?

My partner, who in 5th generation Aussie (we think), came from a blue collar family. She had the drive to study / work hard, and having come through uni in my generation ($25K in fees) had the opportunity to get an education. She is now in the medical profession. Had she been five years younger (... I know what you think I'm thinking!!!)... her degree would have cost her $125K and would have most likely had to have been paid up-front. There's no way she would have been able to afford it, and her talent / determination / hard work wouldn't have counted for didly squat!!

So rather than thinking "Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen" this is the way I rationalise...

...while I realise there are people that abuse the system, it's not an ideal world, and I'd rather have some people abuse the system so that others in genuine need have access, rather than vice versa. What alternatives are there?.. I'll examine those in further detail a bit further down. But for now...

"the illegal's came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services"

Taxes are higher because of free services the governemnt offers, - no arguement there. Let's examine the alternative again... who would prefer a "user pays" system?... like they have in the US? If you don't know what its like, watch Sicko, a documentary by Mike Moore on the US health system. It will give you an idea, I can lend you a copy if you're interested.

"you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor"

If it wasn't for some of the "illegals", you would be waiting in hospitals a hell of a lot longer, because many of hospital and emergency doctors/staff are immigrants or children of immigrants, and others are foreign trained and are doing the hard yards on not so enviable salaries.... I know, which brings me to your next point:

"small apartments are housing 5 families"

yeah, if you mean the 3 br house I'm renting to 6 Indian immigrants in Adelaide... 4 of them are doctors in public hospitals... the other two engineers finishing their education here.

Getting back to the free stuff (like education)... Thanks to Johnny's uni fee hikes (especially for medical professions), you'd have less capable doctors... refer priviledged arguement above!

And just so nobody takes this the wrong way... I'm not saying that Aussies are slackers, far from it (some of the hardest working people I know are Aussies), I'm only saying a bigger pool of candidates to choose from the higher the yield quality... (given a proper selection criteria, that is) ... refer priviledged arguement again.


"your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English."

I don't have kids and haven't experienced it, so I can't really comment on that one...


"Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box;" - I haven't seen one yet... but what is fundamentally wrong with that - English is still there, isn't it?

"I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English" -

That's a good one, I like it!!!

"and people waving flags other than our Aussie flag are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties." not sure what is meant by this, but I can say I really enjoy the diversity of food in Australia (amongst others), which wouldn't be possible without well... the above mentioned people.

"Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder..." the closest example of such a system I can think of is the US... maybe you should move there for a while... you'll be earning a lot more, and paying much less tax!!... let me know what the quality of life for the average Joe is like over there. From what I gather, not so good!

If you agree, pass it on. If not, continue cleaning up the poop!"

I'll happily "clean up the poop" for the above reasons...

... anyone who doesn't agree... its a free country, I'd love to hear about it.

Cheers

B...nonimous

Ah, the sweet smell of politics.

You guys just can't help yourselves.



Cheers
Simon