Thread: Things I've learnt.....

Really Ian...are you trying to make her Fat?

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

Really Ian...are you trying to make her Fat?

Well it takes the bad look off me.

Mate, you can't win. If you gave her a 5oz glass, she would have asked " Why such a small glass?" and you would have said " It would look stingy in a big glass." or something like that. The result would be the same.

In such times I just run a lot of extra water down the drain and hope for the best.

You know the question about how if there was only one man left in the world out in the forest would he still be wrong?

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine "Sex."

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the Council to renew his dog licence, I told the clerk that I would like a licence for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one too."
Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old."
He said, "You must have been quite a kid!"

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
I told the hotel receptionist that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, "Every room in the place is for sex." I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me that I should have sold tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on T.V." He called me a show-off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, Sex and my wife weren't compatible, He said, "Me too."

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in the laneway near the school at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for Sex."

I learnt to think about what I'm saying....

My bail comes up Friday. I need Help whilst I'm in jail.... I cannot (I won't!) have Sex in here, can someone out there have Sex for me? You may need a leash to maintain control.....

Don't snatch a Commodore with a Defender, thanks Russel.

When you get a brand new electrical component in a box labelled Lucas, have a very good look at it for obvious faults before pulling the dash apart and installing it!