Thread: The dummy?

Originally Posted by tastrax

Support your wife... your daughter will be fine.

My son was a screamer for three months and nothing would console him...not even a dummy... that was until he found his thumb one night. From that night on he slept like a lamb.

Thumb, dummy...who cares ..they will grow out of both later in life.

This is good advice. Support your wife, encourage her, build her up ... and she will make it work for your daughter. She will feel better, your daughter will feel better ... and you will feel better.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world, and the ups and downs that you have on the way are not measures of success or failure. Long term faithfulness will bring results in the long term that will show in the lives of your children when they too become parents. That is a much better indicator of success than if you use a dummy or not or if you breastfeed or not. As others have said, you need to figure out what works best in your situation.

Don't let the 'thought police' bully you into doing something that does not work for you. When our children were young there was a group that insisted on 'demand feeding'. They were quite vocal about it and my wife was quite a bit intimidated ... but it didn't work. My wife ended up exhausted because the baby thought it was a good idea and would wake up every hour or two for some more. Eventually I put a stop to that and looked after him for a few times while he had a scream but after a day or two it settled down to regular timed feeds according to our schedule rather than his. Since then we have decided to do things in a way that works for us, carefully and thoughtfully ... and we worked things out as we went.

Your own judgement ... applied wisely, is the way to go. And the first thing is to look after each other.

Willem

To repeat the others - Support your wife with positive feedback and re-enforcement. My wife went through a very 'bad' period when Oliver was between 3-6months. I didn't know at the time but my support and outward praising of her efforts as a mother validated her and gave the reassurance she needed. Sounds strange but whatever works.

Now the dummy...
I too was the one to introduce it. It worked wonders and enabled us to have at least 3-4hr blocks of sleep. Ollie was going down at 10pm, waking at 2 for a dream feed then up around 5:30-6am. Ollie became dependant on the dummy to sleep however and would wake and cry whenever he spat it. Nearing 6 months, we were up every 10-15mins to reinsert the thing and I'm sure it became a game for him.

Suggestion...
So may I suggest, when you feel the dummy isn't working or would like to move to the next step, get yourself a copy of Save Our Sleep by Tizzie Hall. Her website is fantastic and the book can be ordered online here On Sale : Tizzie Hall - Save Our Sleep® Orignal - Save Our Sleep

Also, you have AULRO, does your wife chat on a forum? Consider places like www.bubhub.com.au or the many others out there. Parents group worked well also.

I have not met one parent who hasn't appreciated something from the book - which is saying something. Our experience - Ollie was off the dummy and sleeping 12hrs straight through withing 5 days. (Aged 6 months).

Sleep deprivation and an upset wife detracts so much from being a Father.

Wish you luck.

The advice you get from the baby health nurses/ lactation nurses is (usually) along a strict 'party line' that has questionable scientific support.

Many mothers are left feeling as if they have failed in some way after such advice.

Occasional dummy use is common and okay (if the baby wont give it up when you decide its time ,the trick is to gradually shorten it until there's nothing left)

Sometimes replacing some feeds with bottles or even going all bottle is the only way for mum and bub (although the good effects of breast feeding- antibodies etc- warrant a good try with professional help)

Dont let them make you feel guilty/wrong.

We have 4 kids, 8 month old daughter, 4 year old Daughter and identical twin boys 7

Boys hated dummies so we didn't use them, eldest daughter LOVED hers... (different post for that one... eventually we broke that habbit lol) youngest depends on the day/night.

As others have said do what works for your family, what is being pushed today will be frowned upon tomorrow. A happy mum and dad is more important in the scheme of things.

Another thing that can be useful, especially if your wife worked prior to having the bubs is for her to get out and have some time to herself, even if it is just going to a local cafe and having a coffee, makes a big difference and allows her to put things back in to perspective. Sometimes you have to push for them to do it but once you see the change it makes it makes it worth it!

Good luck, it is hard, especially at the begining but before long bubs will be following you around and wanting to go everywhere with you, then of course you start to forget the bad points.

At the end of the day its you, the missus and the kids. What works works. Food in the tummy, roof over the head, cuddle from mummy and daddy thats successfull parenting in my view. Forget the dont do this, dont do that, do it this way, do it that way, each and every little bundle is their own joy. Not even close to failures as parents. You have not stuffed up enough to have failed yet!!!!

We have been there done that too. What did work for us may not work for you. The "gug" served its purpose and Miss Jedi came off it rather quickly in then end as we were first time bad parents for using a dummy, so what!!. Yes we bribed her too, simple. Shocking to some I know.

Please support your wife. It really is the simple little things, hour sleep here, load of washing there, daddy's turn at bath time. Your wife must have free time to do absolutely nothing as nothing is when her brain recharges. Some to listen too, not tell her all her faults but someone who listens in a non judgemental relationship. Support is your actions. 4 years of post natal depression and sleep deprivation is my sorry tale after 30 weeks emergency delivery. Its a hard slog. it aint easy, youll wonder why you did this more than once. There is no instruction manual. Sometimes you just have to close the door. Make sure they cant hurt themselves and eventually they run out of energy. Sometimes that goes for Mrs Jedi too.

Dont be sucked in by "other experts". Good family doctor is essential, leave Mum's stone age times of when I was a kid behind. It was 2002-2006 not 1969. Mum got her knickers in a knot a bit but thats over too.

Jess is seven now and I wouldnt not have either of them for anything, nor would I not have anything we have gone through. Someone earlier said they become human at six months. Soo true, they then become little people at 2 and then start school WOW, thinking caps on.

Good luck and warm regards
Mat

Thanks guys for all your words of wisdom and kindness. we had a good sleep last night and in the light of day we both know that a dummy is the right choice for us. She dosent even use it all night!! we put it in on her first night feed then she spat it out in around 10min. then the feeds after that we dident even need it and she went straight to sleep.
The wife is still breast feeding and going good but she wished she had clear boobs so she could see how much she was giving her.
We seem to be feeding her enough as the health nurse weighed her and she put on 600 grams in 4 weeks!!

Anyway thanks for all your support and care.

Cheers


Sparks