Gday...
I have a D3 but I am sure it would be the same for the D4 ....
Hitching - I put the D3 in 'access' and then reverse upto van and make sure I have the towball EXACTLY under the van's tow-socket, use the jockey wheel to lower the van down so the top of the towball is level with the lower outside rim of the van's tow socket. Then I raise the suspension to 'normal' and it usually goes straight in. Then I use the jockey wheel to lower the full weight of the van onto the towball. (It has usually already taken the full weight anyway).
Un-hitching - I use low-range often to maneouvre the van into the site and that seems to particularly 'load-up' the hitch-to-van. Put EPB on D3, and then I put the van handbrake on FIRMLY then I put the D3 into neutral, return the D3 to Hi-range, this usually releases any 'pressure' then engage the EPB. I then use the jockey wheel to SLOWLY raise the van from the towball and it usually comes off without any drama. I then lower the suspension to make sure it is all clear.
The agressive un-hitching I used to experience before I developed the above used to concern me immensely - it almost seemed to be damaging to van and D3.
Hope that helps (and works for you).
Cheers
John


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