Well i went out on my own again & got the pamphlets & took a DVD back then came home & we folded the pamphlets & got them delivered aswell...
Yes i am have trouble with the feelings isue as Karen has been my everything for the last 23 years the only thing the poor woman hasn't had to do is whipe me ****ing ass... ...You don't think how much i like knowing what i have done in the past everything i am i owe it to Karen fully...
Now when someone tryes to chat Karen up i **** i know that anyone else could & can offer her compered to what i do what i am ..Completely normal men have so much to offer her & it frightens me to death .And i want so much better for her & the kids (normality) ..
I will get over it & i will deal with it . And i will learn to let her go for her days out & to the gym . Because i want to make her happy .. I will be ok tomorrow after her tattoo & Karen will come home & tell me everything what was said & what they chated about as thats what Karen does & i love to listen to her stories of what went on i always have cause i love to see her excited , Happy & laughing while she tells me ..she is worried about tomorrow as well cause she tells me she feels like an idiot & very embarrest about it .....
AND I MOST OF ALL KNOW KAREN CHOSE ME OVER ANYONE ELSE SO I WILL BE OK & I WILL BE SUCKING IT UP TO SEE HER HAPPY ..
Karen know what i'm like & will work through it with me so i don't make her cry anymore & i want her to have her time with friends & at the gym ..
Use can help me with that & take my mind off such things ...
AUS i will get to your place by myself oneday its just i wont be able to stay for awhile but once i have done it a few times it will get better & i mite even stay for a cuppa of tea not your coffee crap . . . ..
Karen has told me she doesn't want to try anymore & she isn't strong enough to go through it again & it kills me to hear it..
I love Karens company & to just chat with her & i cant she doesn't want it .
she wants to be left alone so i'm sitting here listening to music on my phone so as i leave her alone , its hard to watch her & the kids laughing & not be able to join in & make her laugh....
I relie on karen to much & i know this is all my fault & i want to fix it properly & make her happy . . ..
I don't want to go back to my mothers cause i can't even go for a shower with out her walking in theres no privacy what so ever plus worse crap ..
I don't want to go back go back to my Fathers & be in his incest crap & i would be pushed so hard to get out & work & then he they would take it anyway . .
So my othe i'm going to try my guts out to fix this for Karen & the kids although the kids still drive us mad at the moment....
I would just love to sit & chat with Karen about anything or anyone . neither of us have anyone to talk to so i just spill on here but poor Karen has no one except Vickie but she is my cousin & Karens best friend so she feels bad for both of us & doesn't want to interfeer....
And i probably shouldn't post up so much but hey i gotta get it out of my head someway....
I can't cheer Karen up anyway which is bad cause we used to laugh & muck around together & kills me that i can't help but to make her cry i want to make her smile & laugh....
My mother called in today as she does every monday before she goes ten pin bowling & all she was worried about was getting freezer from aldi & how she would get it into the car.. Completely not interested in our struggles & she thinks if i go back to her place she can get the careres pension to look after me but she wont do anything for me at all she's all about the money..
I miss my lovely Karen very much ...