Thread: Embarrassment

you are definately at a cross road it is up to you what road you take

Karen has said to me that she doubts she can open upto me again as this has happend before probably many times...& i say i know & she says to me how can you ask me to give you another chance...

And she says to me do you know what your asking me to do ..YES i do & she says so how can you expect me to give you a chance again..I don't think i could pull myself back out of this if it was to happen again she said..
& i do understand that ..
AND I DO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM ASKING HER TO DO IF SHE WOULD GIVE ME A CHANCE..


I cant gaurente i wont faulter but i do know i realy want to keep this up & make some headway so i can do even more for Karen in time......


BELIEVE ME I REALY DO KNOW HOW MUCH I AM ASKING FOR ASKING FOR ANOTHER CHANCE..

I am only doing what i am for Karen & maybe a very small bit for myself but mainly for Karen ..
& i realy do want Karen to do the things she wants like the gym i like to see Karen happy ... I wish i could make my problem go away but that will never happen But i am trying my guts out for her ...

Asking all you guys to help me is the first time i have ever asked for help & actualy recieved posotive help & i have learned so much about what i have done to Karen over the years because of use explaining what i have done so wrong ..I always thought i was doing the right thing as that is all i have seen i didn't know any better till now .With some of use being older & more expeiranced with life & relastionships to show me how it should be done...

So baby when you do catch up reading the thread ..

I do know & understand what i am asking of you BELIEVE me i realy do...

& i am busting a nut to show you i can do this right...

Originally Posted by schmierer LR at singleton

you are definately at a cross road it is up to you what road you take

Hey Tony i realy don't talk on the phone , I don't mind texting.. ask these guys how long it took me to take a call from one of them ..It was months...

righteo well i can text you i wont rig i dont have reception here though

OK this is what i am so ashamed of & embarrest of for doing to Karen which i thought was right to do ..I seen my mother bow down to my father i seen my stepmother bow down to my farther & just about everyone in the family & I bowed down for nearly 30 years ...

When i first started to date Karen all was well while i was still living at home althought I did still bow down to him which brought Karen down aswell..

But when we first moved out ir was ok for awhile but i was still running after my father..

Then i started to get posesive towards Karen & didn't like her going out without me ..

Then it was i just didn't like her going out...

I took her friends away from her as i wanted her to stay at home with me..

I also took her family off her to a degree as she stoped going to see them & stopped going over for mothers day & fathers day & birthdays..
And when her nan came into stay with Karens mum i made Karen feel like she had to stay at home with me....

I took her job from her as the hospital she worked at closed but Karen could of gone to a few others that they offered but no i made her feel like she had to stay at home with me so she gave it up ..

I took her beloved gym off her which Karen was training to be an earobics intructor & personal trainer which she was already training for ..I got jelouse so she gave it up to stay at home with me..

I used to ring her at her parents house & abuse her for being to long & all the time she would have to keep a happy face while i was doing this to her..

I took her visiting her nan when she went into a nursing home cause i wanted her to be with me..

She stoped going to her sisters for BBQs cause of me....

It had got to the point she just didn't go anywhere because i made her feel like she had to be with me at home..
& i come to rely on her for everything..

Whenwe would argue i would keep Karen up till all hours so i could fix it so my world would go back to normal & i did this even if Karen had to work early in the morning & i wouldn't care if woke the kids or anything...


So i have been an absolute bastard mongrel to Karen for so long....

Karen used to tell me yes you have a problem BUT i don't if you have a bad day or even a week thats fine but i don't have a problem so i can do stuff & go out to what i want i'm still coming home to you ..
Karen even said only a few weeks ago that she knows i will fall & have a bad day or week but don't let it drag on. I don't have a problem so i can do what i like but if you realy need me then ok...

Now if i have a bad day i have a bad day or week but if i can still pickup my smokes & the pamphlets i would still be helping Karen & if i get pistoff don't take it out on Karen or the kids as they don't have a problem..

You know Karen has never ever expected anything from me but to just let her do who thing with out the crap **** i have given her over time...

& thats the worste part about it Karen hasn't expected anything from me & i have done all this ....

So yes i do know what i am asking for in getting another chance. . .
I can only change the future for her & i realy want to...

I know i have been so lucky & i only just now know what i stand to loose.
I have been lucky to see my kids grow up from the day they came home & to have Karen stick with me for so so long..I don't want to loose any of them i want to see the kids grow up & even get married & have grandkids.. I realy want to see Karen happy & do the things she wants & not worry about me i have been such a dickhead its not funny. . .And karen keeps telling me it mite be to late ..I was just telling her i would go stay at mums for awhile but i am so scared she will just say don't come home ,& she said i probably would say that. .. .

I do completly understand what i have done now & i feel so bad because Karen has been telling me this for so long & she never expected anything from me & i never listend to her & that makes me feel worse..

I had know idea as to what i was doing to Karen as i just thought it was normal & right to do.....


SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????



Hey Aus are you still honored to be my friend now . . .. .

Banjo
Its well and good asking for yet another chance.
Sounds like Fatty has no confidence in you being able to change your ways.All will be good for a short time and then the old Banjo is back in town!!!!!
How about YOU contact somebody like Realationships Australia thru their website and see if they have anything to offer YOU to stop YOU going back to your old ways
You sound genuine enough,if you are,GIVE THEM A TRY,cant hurt.May help Karen see you are willing to TRY.
GOODLUCK
Andrew

Originally Posted by LandyAndy

Banjo
Its well and good asking for yet another chance.
Sounds like Fatty has no confidence in you being able to change your ways.All will be good for a short time and then the old Banjo is back in town!!!!!
How about YOU contact somebody like Realationships Australia thru their website and see if they have anything to offer YOU to stop YOU going back to your old ways
You sound genuine enough,if you are,GIVE THEM A TRY,cant hurt.May help Karen see you are willing to TRY.
GOODLUCK
Andrew

I'm looking on there now trying to work it out . . . .

Originally Posted by banjo

SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????

That is a question that only Karen can answer.

For the past two weeks or more there has been no way that she could answer it as she has been over-tired or stressed or depressed or had a break down or whatever. Even today you have posted that she does not really feel anything about the kids. Maybe I am wrong but to me that says she is still not 100%. So it will take time for her to get to the point of really knowing how she would like to answer that question.

Originally Posted by banjo

SO TELL MY WHY KAREN SHOULD GIVE THE CHANCE AGAIN.......??????????

Hey Aus are you still honored to be my friend now . . .. .

I know you did not ask me but anyone who owns up to doing wrong things in the past and says sorry for them and really wants to stop doing them and make an improvement in the future - then I am honoured to be called their friend.

I hope we are.