Embarrassment

You know i realy realy don't know how i'm going to cope without Karen & the kids in my life ...I never ever wanted to hurt Karen or take anything away from her ever.. Karen is such an amazing person & has been so kind to me ..

I was trying to change at home not stoping Karen from doing anything or making her feel like she had to be at home with me . .

And i was trying to help Karen get better i didn't meen to be in her face she is a very inportant person to me & all i was trying to help her get better..

I wasn't trying to emotionaly blackmail her or make her feel bad...


I miss them very much i seriously doubt i will servive without them & being here is the worst place to be ...

I dont want to live without Karen & the kids..Idont know what to do here i just want to be home where i feel safe & can be around the kids..I miss them all so much....

I just want to go home & be with my family ......

Guys why am i such a ****ed up retard looser for ,All you guys where helping me & look i still managed to **** everything up..Karen & the kids are all i have in this ****ty world they make my life meen something & worth while they are all i have...

Such a looser ..Karen has done so much for me & our little family & been able to hold us all together.. All i wanted to do was help Karen get better not hurt her more, Thats why i pushed her to join the gym & go regulary & i was just asking her how did she go cause i like to hear her happy...

My life just **** itself & it meens nothing or worth anything with out them all in it..
I would kill to be at home with them all...

I dont know what to do except break down & then i just walk up & down the driveway . . . . .

I wanted to get help for myself for all of them now its just not worth it, I cant do it on my own & was going to get Karen to help me get started once she was better.....

I can't remember any bad things ..I remember all the good things we did together we used to go out together to do shopping & just walk around down the road...

We used to go up the bush nearly everyday for awhile then it was every weekend & we would spend all day there & we would watch the kids running around & trying to climb the old quarry walls..

The kids used to have friends sleep over & they birthday parties..

We used to have a couple of friends & karen went out with them & then one of the ladies threw a spanner in the works & we lost both as friends & one that was real close to Karen & i trusted fully . We use to see them regulary & we would even visit them..

We use to goto all Cody's soccer training & i went to all his home games & his garla days & his presentation days..

We used to muck around with the kids at home & we would play music & watch the kids singing & dancing around to it..



Karen used to tell me all my stuff was in the past & i would try & push it away sometimes it worked ..Now i need Karen to realise its in the past & i can only change the future BUT I'M NOT GAME TO SAY THAT TO HER cause i don't want to upset her or start an argument...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by banjo

I wanted to get help for myself for all of them now its just not worth it

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banjo, i dont want to sound calous but, Mate, youve had a lot of time to do this and havent.

you need to be better for yourself first before you can be better for anyone else...

Vic

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MEANZ06

banjo, i dont want to sound calous but, Mate, youve had a lot of time to do this and havent.

you need to be better for yourself first before you can be better for anyone else...

Vic

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Yeah but i cant do it from here or on my own . . . .

that offer of mine still stands,if it is no good there and u cant go home there is always a spot at my place

Quote:

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Originally Posted by banjo

Yeah but i cant do it from here or on my own . . . .

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please forgive me, ive only been advidly been reading the last month or so, but why couldnt you get help before this point?

dont get me wrong, i want the best for you, karen, and especially the kids!! but, i think you need outside help and to quit making excuses for doing so.

after this much time here on this forum you need to understand that this isnt the answer to your problems....

Jason, please take my words as constructive...

Vic

Quote:

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Originally Posted by schmierer LR at singleton

that offer of mine still stands,if it is no good there and u cant go home there is always a spot at my place

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you are a good Mate! :)

see im getting my AUS speak going on