i dont mean to hijak this thread but i thought i would share my story with you all.
from around 2008 i have had depression did not realise it for quite a while probably not until i started getting suicidal which was from about september last year until about april this year i was thinking about it everynight at least thinking of all the different ways to kill myself and what would be the best way
i did not talk about it until i got close to a christian friend(i am not christian really though) and we talked about alot and so i told her about what was going on and it did help to know that some one else knew and that i told her my story i dont think i ever told anyone everything though.
i then slowly started telling other people including my old maths teacher every person i told were completely shocked as it does not show in my personality at all,i was really nervous about people knowing i did not want to be talked about or referenced to being an emo because i am not.
my greatest fear was my family finding out and it still is i dont want them to know so for those who know my family i would appreciate it if you did not tell them about it at all most people i talked to told me to talk to my family about it but honestly that would make it worse i dont feel comfortable talking to them about it or other things.
i am fairly certain that all people i told said i should get professional help,but i did not want that i suppose because i did not want to think of myself as needing that but i did find talking to people about it did help.
i have 2 friends that have depression but there case is fully medical based so as long as they take tablets they are find but i could still relate to them and them to i.
i think everyone gets depressed from time to time but having depression is completely different and with out sounding rude you have no idea what it is like unless you have had it.
for me having depression before i was suicidal did not seem that bad i did not reallly realise it, but i cant reallly remember what happened, but all of a sudden things went down hill fast hence the reason i became suicidal.
i dont think i will ever do it but when you are in one of those moods positive is no where to be found.you only see the worst.
even though i know my situation is not anywhere near as bad as others i still cant help it well that is what i use to think.when i started hanging around with my soon to be girlfriend but was not aware of it at the time things turned from **** to great actually the best they have ever been but we were only going out for 5 weeks until she had to leave fingers crossed we will be together in 4 and a half weeks though.
i thought after being with her that i had beaten depression but i was to find out later that i had not,yes it is not as bad but it is still there but i am trying to change but change does not happen over night.
i have changed alot in the last year alot thanks to aulro i am beginning to really think what i want out of life and how to go about it so i can get that.i guess i am lucky i have such an out going personality and i am not afraid to talk about anything well maybe to certain people.family does seem to be where alot of the problems start i dont get treated all that well in my family,my parents are split my stepdad drinks way to much and it makes him angry towards my mum so i have stood up to him before in the past and my brothers got up me everytime by the way they are 3 and 5 years older then me.
to be honest as much trouble as land rovers have got me in,in the past i think they have helped me alot they give me something to do and being on here helping people and sharing threads has been great,it certainly has been my getaway in the past.i have changed though now if i have a problem i normally go on a long walk normally for 2-3 hrs through creeks paddocks hills and take photos.
well that is all for now
