Embarrassment

Yes y life is a misserable one ..
Then Karen came along & completely changed my world in a way i will never be able to repay her i think..

For 23 years Karen has been my everything Then came the kids AWESOME.
My life was great..But over the years not all of them but over the years i made Karen feel bad ,she felt she coundn't do anything except be home with me & she couldn't relax....

Now i want to do everything Karen asks of me to make it upto her as i said i cant live with out Karen & no i'm not living here i'm just exsisting here...

Karen & the kids are everything to me if it wasn't for all of them mainly Karen i would of toped myself by now Karen is the most amazing woman ..

There is nothing in this life for me without Karen or the kids they are the only thing to meen anything to me ..Now i know what i have to do , in the way if i was back home I dont come first & if theres something i cant do then i have to wait till Karen has the time to get it or even better if she has the time & could just come with me to get it....

I realy have enjoyed doing all the stuff i was doing at home for Karen & i realy want to keep doing that but that is a little difficult from here...

So i dont know what i can do ....

so why do you freak out if your in the car with some one? what if they put you in the back of the car? or what if you follow someone?
papa smurf

WHY do you panic, Banjo? What is in your mind at that time?

agerophobia is panic attacks ..Its um i dont know how to explain it they just happen & when they do they usualy happen big time ..Plus i make the worst passenger & i like to be in control of a car..even if Karen was to pick me up from here i would panic ...& unfortunatly for me to just say right im going to my docs back home from here & was able to do this with no dramas i guess i would be out visiting people & doing everything like a normal person & i probably wouldn't be in the situation i am at the moment.
I had some normality at home & was able to do some thing on my own as everything was close by...& i was working towards taking Cody to footy training a couple of times on my own & going to a few of his home games aswell now thats gone....I wouldn't make it from here but i will give it a go if im still here when he starts footy again not to training but to some of his home games...

Doing that is alot differant to going to the docs as i am always scared of catching something from sitting in the waiting room & its better if i know the outlay of somewhere first it helps & makes it easier to go there.. So i don't know about the shrink as i have never been to there offices so it would be something new all together & i would be nervouse...

Just trying to understand what's going thru your mind just before you have the attack. If being in the driver's seat helps you to feel in control, then when you have an attack is it because something makes you fear you're losing control? What could that be, I wonder?
I mean, obviously you're NOT losing control, you are still in control, so there has to be some trigger to cause you to wrongly think you're losing control when you're actually not. Probably didn't explain that very well...sorry.

I found this while doing some reading. May be something helpful there...

http://au.reachout.com/find/articles/panic-attacks

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

WHY do you panic, Banjo? What is in your mind at that time?

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That ones hard it varies i spose but i spose its more the thought of another panic attack cause i know how bad they are & they are embarressing when they happen ...Aus said i was shaking like a leaf when i visited him at Kotara & i didn't think i was but obviesly i was & that made me feel embarest after i read that ...sort of makes me want to stay at home so it never happens again or that no one sees it again... But i was doing quiet a lot back home i even took aus home from the dentist & i visited him at home & at Kotara but that would never happen from here its way to far & i cant turn around & head for home then try again once i settle myself ..when i visited aus at Kotara i had to stop twice pull over then carry on ..

So the fear of having an attack is part of the cause of you having an attack?

banjo i am in newcastle tomorrow from 730am i have time to stop in if you are not doing anything

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Originally Posted by DiscoMick

So the fear of having an attack is part of the cause of you having an attack?

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YES mostly . But the smell of alcohole will do it to me aswell some men can do it to me aswell , u only have to talk down to me & i'm off panicing..

There are some other smells that can do it to..Some voices do it aswell.

I know its not like your problem, As you probable read I had all my top teeth pulled on tuesday as the cost of repair was rediculus, so for the next two months I will be toothless (like them poor old homeless drunks you see), Now I dont give a damm what any bugger thinks about my gumminess. My point is that dont be ashamed because you have an attack, bloody heck its a medical condition. Anyway now I have you number I will give you a ring from time to time, then you can have a laugh at my expense while I try to get my tougne around my words. I will give you a short text before the ring if thats best
cheers
blaze
bugger nearly forgot
stay safe, try to think of one positive thing you have achieved each day and be proud of that.
ps
Also an ex diesel fitter