Thread: Embarrassment

Originally Posted by Ausfree

looking through their site, I notice some of the beers are up to 15% alcohol content, which is not my style, more interested in the mid strength stuff around 4.5%.

Lucky use are going on the bus..

Yeah, the company has given the use of the bus free to the Social Club plus paying for the fuel, which I think is quite generous. The Depot Manager is coming too!!!

Had a look at the beer prices on that site for Murray's, don't think I'll be buying too much!! If at all!!!

Sorry to hear of your dad Jason. Go to the funeral and say goodbye.

Tony, home already

Mrs hh

P.S. don't like my friends having probs

well i might as well start from the start.
Cornelia and i started going out in may 2010, we were together for 5 amazing weeks before she had to go back to sweden.
4 months later she came back for 3 weeks and then we both headed over to Sweden.
i was there for 6 weeks before getting cold feet and i told her that i think i need to go as this doesn't feel right to be here.(it was the first trip i had ever done and the first time i had lived without my family). I was also finding the climate hard to adapt to and living in an apartment with her mum and sister.
Lots of tears were shed that night but we worked it out-sorta. anyway i did decide i was going to stay and work it out.
430am the next morning i got a phone call that my mum was in hospital because she had a heart attack, this could not settle right with me knowing that, and also knowing my Nan was having surgery(she had cancer) i decided to head back.
At the time I did not know if I was to return, I guess i just needed to see how I felt also when I was in Australia.
I knew straight away my heart did lie with Cornelia and it didn't matter where I was as long as I was with her.
I was gone for about 3 weeks before i returned to Sweden.
around my birthday time i started being unsure about if i wanted to be there.I thought like this for about a month before one day i just packed up and left(i know a coward). The reason I did not wait for her to come back from school was because her mum would have been there and I would have had to go down stairs to get my things and I just thought it would be to awkward.
A big factor of me leaving was my nan was dying and I was very close to her as she was the one person who was always there for me, especially with all the crap with my mums partner.
I tried to convince myself I was doing the right thing but as soon as i got back and spoke to her I knew what i did was wrong and i left just after my nans birthday. I knew she wasnt going to be alive much longer but I couldnt bare to stay for a funeral as the person i needed to be with to support me was overseas.( i guess once again a coward).
I think i got back on the 6th of june. I told my family if my nan was to die before the 11th of june to not tell me as i had cornelias graduation on the 10th of june and it is a very big deal over there.Also after what I had done i needed to be there to support her and make sure she had the best day possible.
Well once again things did not go to plan. my nan died on the night of the 9th of june and I found out. I tried not to tell cornelia as I didnt want to make anything about me especially after me leaving to go to australia without telling her and because of her graduation the next day.
Of course i was feeling very crap and couldnt hide it. We had a big argument and she said i should just go back because i wasnt caring. she went and got my passport and the computer for me to book a flight back to australia , well this is when i told her what happened. she did comfort me but she struggled to because of everything that had just happened.I tried so hard the next day to ignore what had happened and make it about her. come night time when she was drinking with her friends before going out i went into another room. they then went out to a night club or something to party as they do on their graduation night. This is when i finally had some time to think about what had happened to and to just remember my great Nan.
the next few months i was there were great, we travelled and it was ummer which made things easier.
I asked her to marry me in the end of august an i was lucky enough for her to say yes.
we came to australia in the end of september 2011.
Things never really went to plan so much in australia, we did lots of travel which was great, I dont know if it was i was happier in australia or we both were, but things seemed to work better here.
we were to get her residency here but the cost and crap involved was to much.
It would also mean she couldnt do uni for 2 more years.
So we decided we would move to sweden so she could do uni there plus there it is free and they get paid around $100 a week as like a study allowance.
The other thing is i could continue to do my uni from there, so that sealed the deal.
we applied for my residency visa but it did take a bit longer then they said.
she had to leave in august to go home and start uni.
The plan was I would have the visa before then and we would go together , well i didnt get the visa util september and decided to stay and go to my cousins wedding and finish the trimester off and try and find work.
I finally got work in october and wanted to save up as much as possible so i could relax more and do more when we got to sweden(also i wanted to be able to spend money or cornelia, it always made me feel good to see her smile and be happy, especially when it was me who had done that).
well i stayed longer then intended because i wanted to save more money plus like always other things come up.
I ended up leaving on the 28th of feb.(7.5 months later)
when u got there i was going to be busy catching up on uni and doing assignments and cornelia had lots of school and exam.
So we decided to spend 2 nights in copenhagen(denmark). I arrived late afternoon in denmark so we didnt get to the hotel until jsut before 6pm.
The first 15 minuted or so of us being together we both felt weird and a bit awkward but this didnt last long we were back to being how we were and i was so happy.
we went to sweden on the sunday(3rd march) we got there around mid day, we went to the shopping centre just after we had lunch with her mum.
we were there for about an hour i suppose, looking at getting me a really good and warm jacket.
when we got back i was feeling abit tired so i had a sleep woke up and then we had tea. we stayed up for a bit and watched some tv and cuddled, things seemed so great.
I was looking forward to living in Sweden.
last time i wasn't very happy as i didn't do much and never made any progress with anything.
This time i was going to meet people through playing cricket which is something i was looking forward to and looking forward to doing training with that and also travelling Sweden to play.
I was also going to learn Swedish where i would also meet people and i was really looking forward to understand the language and hopefully understand Cornelia more.
because i wanted to learn Swedish as fast as possible i decided to do my uni part time instead.
the other thing i was going to do was go for bike rides and go to the gym.
on monday(4th) of the afternoon when she cam back after uni she told me she was unsure if she loved me anymore. i cant remember the exact details as i was feeling like crap. I went on a walk while she had some time to think. about 3 hours later she called me to meet me, and the way she sounded on the phone she really wanted to be with me. well when we did meet she said she still didnt know.
I decided i would stay in her sisters room that night and then go to a hostel the next morning while she/we sorted it out.
the next morning about 5am she came in and she said she was sorry but she didnt wanted to be with me anymore,even though i knew that was the likely outcome i couldnt believe it especially after we had been through so much , it seemed like we would be together forever, i loved her more then ever.
naturally i was gutted and really upset , ii said i could stay in a hostel so we could see each other and work it out but she said for me not to.
I soon booked a flight and packed my things and left.
i was very upset and really just wanted to die.
when i walked down to the train station i was so hoping a car or a bus would just come and hit me or someone would push me in front of a train.
i had to wait at the aiport for 5hrs before my flight which for 2.5hrs was in the main airport waiting to check in, it was so hard watching people saying goodbye to others and seeing happy couples going on trips. I kept looking back hoping she would come and say she was sorry and what she was doing was wrong and that she really did want me.
i got on the plane on the tuesday the 5th and got home on thursday the 7th in the morning. the journey all up was about 40 hrs i guess. it was the worse thing ever, i have never cried so much before and never wanted to kill myself so much.i never drink but on the plane i drank quite abit it did help abit.
i am going to skip the rest of details as this is getting really hard to talk about but we have talked since and she says she still loves me and that she couldnt imagine being with anyone else but that we need to have a break and become independent.
I know some couples get back together after breaks and i know of a few but the ones i know had the same group of friends and lived in the same town.
I have 3 assignment due 1 on the 6th and 2 on the 8th well i managed to get an extension on one until tuesday and the other until wednesday the other i couldnt as it was overdue when i asked for an extension so i get a fail for it.
tomorrow is sunday and i have not started the assignments and i have 3 weeks of uni to catch up on, i have no passion or energy to do anything especially uni.
The one person i really need right now is the one person i cant be with which is also making this hard.
when my nan died i still had good things happening so i guess that made it a bit easier to deal with, and even then it took me a very long time to get over it probably for about 6 months i thought of her every day quite a bit.
I dont think cornelia will want me again because if she was sick of me and didnt want me after being at her place for 1 day after 7.5 months then why would she want me again.
it is also a lot easier for her to move on as she has her uni that hasnt been delayed where i have put mine off for 2years and now i might have to put it off for another 6 months because of our relationship.
I have put so much money, effort, time and sacrificed so much for us and now it is all gone , for nothing.
even though there is still a chance we will get back together it is very slim and i am not counting on it. I feel like such a loser after going all the way there just to come back straight away.My family now knows about my depression even though they havnt really spoken to me about it. I hate being here with everyone coming into my room even when i put the door stop under it, i just want to be left alone.
a week ago everything seemed so good and so clear now things are the complete opposite so fast.
I do not have a clue what I am going to do, my mind and heart keeps changing.
I/we had so many things planned for our lives especially the next few years.
I have had people offering and asking me to come stay with them and to be a distraction.
I dont really want to be with family right now, they **** me off too much.
I have never felt so much hurt before, and I really understand what it means to have your heart broke and to understand what heart ache feels like, it does not go away, everything reminds me of her.
I am trying my best to try and hate her and to stop loving her so when she does say she doesnt want to be with me every again, which is mots likely if not certain to happen, then it may not hurt as much , because i dont think i could make it through this pain again, hell i dont know if i can even make it through this time....

Jason i am really sorry about your father, i know you to had issue together but still doesnt make it an easy thing for you.

Hey Tony do you still have the same phone number ??? And if i remember right I think Cornelia is coming back to Australia for some work placement.Stay intouch with her Tony she is coming back here & the time apart may just be what she needs.If you want some time on your own I know where theres a patch of land near your place you could camp on for a bit on your own..Bloody big hill at the back of it too run up & down that a few times they will keep you fit or tiered one or the two..I know how you feel & i was only apart from Karen for 2 months & If it was longer i would not have coped..Stay safe Mate.

Tony, what can I say, I am much older than you and all I can say is life is like that, it has it's up's and down's. I am so sorry that you feel the way you do. Although I do not suffer from depression, unlike Jason and yourself, I too have had many a bad twist in life. The worst one by far was when my first wife died at the age of 27 ( I was 28)leaving me with a daughter aged 6 and a baby son to raise. In those difficult years I felt very low, the memory does not leave you, but life does go on.

Again I am very sorry for you and I think Jason would be a good bloke to help you overcome this latest setback.!!!

Take care mate!!!

p.s. I have had other setbacks in life too (e.g bowel cancer, which luckily I survived) but there have been many highpoints, so I try not to dwell on the bad, but enjoy the good moments.

Speaking of high points.....,hey Jase....we are getting reading for the bus tour today....looking forward to enjoying the day and having some laughs with workmates!!!!