Thread: Embarrassment

Originally Posted by DiscoMick

I gather it comes from a fear of not being able to escape a bad situation. In your case I guess that was about your childhood mistreatment and being unable to get away from it.
Even though you have actually gotten away from that original situation, the fear continues. Is that right?

Yeah in a nut shell my father was is a drunk & it was worse when he was drinking so when i am around people drinking it doesn't take to long after they have a few i get wiff & it floods back the images in my head are so real its like it was only yesterday for me.........

If i feel trapped like if i was to say call in at your place & started to have a heart flutter & said i gotta go & i couldn't cause you where asking questions or just chatting & i felt i had to get out of there but i wouldn't cause its rude to not let someone finish what they where saying then i would get real bad...

If i'm in a shop & don't know it that well i get nervous i have to know a way out all the time .....

If i do have a panic attack i have to get out of there very fast to calm myself down...

If when i'm driving & get nervous i turn around & head home till i settle myself then turn around & head back to where i was going sometimes this can take hours to only go 30 mins away...

If people turn up here & i start to feel uncomfortable & get realy panicy cause i don't like to say to anyone you have to go in panicy.....

So they stay & then its the after effects that Karen & the kids suffer coming down off a panic attact is so worse. . . .

We know a bloke peter & he likes to chat he is a realy nice bloke but sometimes i just wish her would only stay 10 or 15 mins but its rare with him sometimes it in hours.. I am petrified of running into him when i'm out for that reson he likes a chat but i don't think he fully understands my problem ,Karen has told him . . . .

People that come here that i'm comfortable with like aus is good no pressure on me to do anything so its good & Aus stays for awhile & we chat...But if i went to Aus's i would feel uncomfortable to go inside for a chat its like locking me in a shipping container with noway out as such . . .

Well mother was here this morning ..Her & my step father think Karen mite be using the feels to get out of looking after me & the resposability & the stress of me ,,I had thought this but never worried about it .But i don't think she or he wants the resposability of me but they say you can come up here anytime you need & i bet yeah it would be good for them i would be mowing there big yard , building more bird averies for them & doing all the work around there house that they want done so they can sell & then i would be out on my ass....She was asking me how old Karens mum was when she started to go funny ,Karens mum has olzimers real bad & is now in morriset mental aged care hospital as she has become very violent....

I told her i will be here for as long as it takes Karen to get better & if that is years then thats what it will be ..If Karen couldn't do anything for herself i would for her if she couldn't **** i would **** for her..

I owe Karen so so much & i do know how much..
I realy would like the chance to work it out with Karen as she does meen so much to me & i am keeping up with what i'm doing & will strive to keep doing it..


Mum said to me if use breakup who gets the kids & i told her Karen will as i can hardly look after myself & i wont see them again by my choice for them they don't need to see me panicy...

Then she said bull**** if your at ours in the barn i will invite the kids up for the weekend & you can see them Karen cant stop you seeing them . .

KAREN WOULD NEVER STOP ME SEEING THE KIDS IF I WANTED TO SEE THEM EVER.......KAREN IS THE MOST WONDERFULL WOMAN I KNOW SHE HAS SUCH A BIG HEART THAT IT KILLS ME TO SEE HER LIKE THIS.....

I SAID ITS BY MY CHOICE THEY DON'T NEED TO SEE ME TRYING TO LIVE ALL PANICY . . . . She doesn't listen its all about her & some glory or sympathy with her...

I thought why would you try to do that fred is 16 & you have never asked the kids to come & stay with you..NO its just she wants the glory to be able to say I GOT HIS KIDS TO SEE HIM...

MY parents are so ****edup & ****ed me up its not funny my own mother is a peice of **** there is no other way to say it .......

have you got a dog mate, ever thought of getting one. May do wonders for you and Karen. They have been known to have helped a lot with al sort of medical things
Hope your day improves as it goes on
cheers
blaze

Originally Posted by banjo

Well mother was here this morning ..Her & my step father think Karen mite be using the feels to get out of looking after me & the resposability & the stress of me ,,I had thought this but never worried about it .But i don't think she or he wants the resposability of me but they say you can come up here anytime you need & i bet yeah it would be good for them i would be mowing there big yard , building more bird averies for them & doing all the work around there house that they want done so they can sell & then i would be out on my ass....She was asking me how old Karens mum was when she started to go funny ,Karens mum has olzimers real bad & is now in morriset mental aged care hospital as she has become very violent....

I told her i will be here for as long as it takes Karen to get better & if that is years then thats what it will be ..If Karen couldn't do anything for herself i would for her if she couldn't **** i would **** for her..

I owe Karen so so much & i do know how much..
I realy would like the chance to work it out with Karen as she does meen so much to me & i am keeping up with what i'm doing & will strive to keep doing it..


Mum said to me if use breakup who gets the kids & i told her Karen will as i can hardly look after myself & i wont see them again by my choice for them they don't need to see me panicy...

Then she said bull**** if your at ours in the barn i will invite the kids up for the weekend & you can see them Karen cant stop you seeing them . .

KAREN WOULD NEVER STOP ME SEEING THE KIDS IF I WANTED TO SEE THEM EVER.......KAREN IS THE MOST WONDERFULL WOMAN I KNOW SHE HAS SUCH A BIG HEART THAT IT KILLS ME TO SEE HER LIKE THIS.....

I SAID ITS BY MY CHOICE THEY DON'T NEED TO SEE ME TRYING TO LIVE ALL PANICY . . . . She doesn't listen its all about her & some glory or sympathy with her...

I thought why would you try to do that fred is 16 & you have never asked the kids to come & stay with you..NO its just she wants the glory to be able to say I GOT HIS KIDS TO SEE HIM...

MY parents are so ****edup & ****ed me up its not funny my own mother is a peice of **** there is no other way to say it .......

Hey! Calm down.
You were doing well.
Don't let others rile you. No matter who they are.

ITS ok guys I am hoping to work it out with Karen & keep up with what i'm doing but if worse comes to worse i wont go back to my fathers or my mothers ...

I was listening to the radio lastnight & a story came up about the old stockton mental hospital . well its now an aged care & disability place so i am going to look into that for myself if the worset does happen .& i can go there & they take my pension & i get 3 meals a day & a roof over my head & the ocational bus trip ..So it could be just the thing .....



PS i do love Karen more than life & i have told her that & i know she detests me & is so repolst that she turns away from me...

I will always keep trying to give her what she needs...& would love the chance to make it right when she is better.....

THANKS Jason.....

As number five said Banjo, you know who is trying to help you, therefore you know who to take notice of.
If you were advised to wash your car in brake fluid you'd laugh. Treat non-genuine advice in the same way.
Stay focused, you're doing so well.

Originally Posted by banjo

Anyone heard from or seen Aus around this weekend , He must of had a real busy weekend with work ....

Banj, I am here, I have been watching the progress, I thought I would pull back a little bit and give you some space, but as I mentioned before I am as near as the phone, should you need support. Drove past your place the other day, but both cars where out so I didn't stop. Hang in there mate, and keep going!!!!!

Ok guy i still doing the folding its taking a little long on my own not that i mind just cramping up must be getting old..Took Karen back to the doc today for the results of the blood test her hormoans are down & abnormal & posably the early onset of menapause, Also has high sugar but that could be because she isn't eating he said .& still serveerly depressed & if not better soon she has to take 2 tablets a day & maybe see someone he said...

That where we are at the moment & i am getting worried as to Karen not eating she is getting so thin.....

karen didn't want me to go in with her again so i waited in the waiting room again .....Watched foxtel..& seen that we aren't missing that much from when we had it..