Thread: JOKES (Part 3)

http://www.aulro.com/download/misc/Santa.wmv


[size=24]<span style="color:green">Merry Christmas !!!</span>

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the

rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the

night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for

the best toast of the night." She said, "did you now. And what

was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in

church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary

said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the

street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the

prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You

know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he

fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to

make him come." [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Cheers
Knight :wink:

He He good one Knight [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]






A woman was talking with her friend about her husband...

Woman: "He's completely obsessed with his mother. He talks about her constantly, sends her letters every few days, is on the phone to her twice a day, and has three pictures of her in out bedroom"

Friend: "What you need to do is distract him, and show him that you are the one he should be focusing on. Why don't you get some sexy lingerie and surprise him?"

The next night, the husband comes home from work to see his wife standing provocatively at the bedroom door. She's wearing black gloves, a black teddy, black stockings, black "f**k me" boots and a smile.

Man: "What are you all dressed up like that for?.....


... Oh my God, My mother died didn't she ?!"

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] Good one vlad, i like those.

A blonde was speeding down the highway one day when a blonde copper puller her over.

The blonde officer walks up to the car and asks the blonde to see her registration.

The blonde in the car asks the officer what does my registration look like? They are papers with the details of your vehicle and they prove you own the car. Oh, those says the blonde here they are. Ok can i see your licence. Whats that asks the blonde. Its a plastic card with youre photo on it. Here it is she says. No thats youre library card. Oh sorry says the blonde.

The blonde fumbles around in her bag for a while and pulls out a small make up case, she opens it and sees her face in the mirror, she says this has my picture on it and hands it to the blonde cop, the cop looks in the mirror and says to the blonde, you should have told me you were a cop it could have saved all this. Matt

Originally posted by Ace
[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] Good one vlad, i like those.

A blonde was speeding down the highway one day when a blonde copper puller her over.

The blonde officer walks up to the car and asks the blonde to see her registration.

The blonde in the car asks the officer what does my registration look like? They are papers with the details of your vehicle and they prove you own the car. Oh, those says the blonde here they are. Ok can i see your licence. Whats that asks the blonde. Its a plastic card with youre photo on it. Here it is she says. No thats youre library card. Oh sorry says the blonde.

The blonde fumbles around in her bag for a while and pulls out a small make up case, she opens it and sees her face in the mirror, she says this has my picture on it and hands it to the blonde cop, the cop looks in the mirror and says to the blonde, you should have told me you were a cop it could have saved all this. Matt

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Try this one on for size disco.

How does a blonde turn the light on in the morning?















She opens the car door. Matt

unfortunatley the blonde jokes I know will get me arrested :wink: