Thread: JOKES (Part 3)

Im not allowed, SWMBO is blonde

Originally posted by DiscoTDI
Im not allowed, SWMBO is blonde

They tell me when blondes die their hair brown its like artificial intelligence. [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] Matt

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every summer in Miami for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's shivering and shaking. The other flea asks him, " Why are you shaking so badly?" The first flea says, " I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley." The other flea responds saying, " That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar, have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where its warm and cozy. Its the best way to travel that I can think of."
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next summer. A year goes by..... When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?" "Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."

Originally posted by DiscoTDI
Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every summer in Miami for a vacation. Last year when one flea gets to Miami, he's shivering and shaking. The other flea asks him, " Why are you shaking so badly?" The first flea says, " I rode down here from New Jersey in the mustache of a guy on a Harley." The other flea responds saying, " That's the worst way to travel. Try what I do. Go to the New Jersey airport bar, have a few drinks. While you are there, look for a nice stewardess. Crawl up her leg and nestle in where its warm and cozy. Its the best way to travel that I can think of."
The first flea thanks the second flea and says he will give it a try next summer. A year goes by..... When the first flea shows up in Miami he is shivering and shaking again. The second flea says, "Didn't you try what I told you?" "Yes," says the first flea, "I did exactly as you said. I went to the New Jersey airport bar. I had a few drinks. Finally, this nice young stewardess came in. I crawled right up to her warm cozy spot. It was so nice and warm that I fell asleep. When I woke up, I was back in the mustache of a guy on a Harley."

[img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img] [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]

Worth a watch:

http://www.bleacheatingfreaks.com/files/Ne.../harassment.wmv

> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 01, 2004
>
> RE: Christmas Party
>
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take
> place on December 23, starting at noon
> in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash
> bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a small band playing traditional
> carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO
> shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00
> pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
> however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy
> for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only for employees! Our CEO
> will make a special announcement at
> that time!
>
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
>
> Patty
>
> ================================================== ====
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 12, 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
> employees. We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which
> often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
> However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
> policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those
> still celebrating Reconciliation Day.
>
> There will be no Christmas tree present. No Christmas carols sung. We
> will have other types of music for your enjoyment.
>
> Happy now?
>
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
>
> Patty
>
> ================================================== ====
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All Employees
>
> DATE: October 23, 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table . you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
> to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
> "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to
> handle this?
>
> Somebody?
>
> Forget about the gifts exchange; no gifts are allowed since the union
> members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
> $10.00 is a little chintzy.
>
> NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
>
> ================================================== ====
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> To: All Employees
>
> DATE: November 04, 2004
>
> RE: Holiday Party
>
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours.
>
> Well, there goes the party!
>
> Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does
> not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House
> can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party, or else
> package everything for you to take home in little foil doggy baggies.
>
> Will that work?
>
> Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest
> from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table closest
> to the restrooms.
>
> Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit
> with Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be
> flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking
> permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though.
>
> We will have booster seats for short people.
>
> Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control
> the salt used in the food we suggest for those people with high blood
> pressure to taste first. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for
> Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!
>
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
>
> Patty
>
> ================================================== ====
>
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
>
> TO: All ****ing Employees
>
> DATE: November 29, 2004
>
> RE: The ****ing Holiday Party
>
> Vegetarian ******, I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can
> sit quietly at the table furthest from the "Grill of Death," as you so
> quaintly put it, and you'll get your ****ing salad bar, including
> organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. THEY
> SCREAM WHEN YOU SLICE THEM! I've heard them SCREAM!!! I'm hearing
> them scream right NOW!!!
>
> I hope you all have a rotten holiday! DRIVE DRUNK AND DIE!!!!!!
>
> The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!
>
>
> ================================================== ====
> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
>
> DATE: December 02, 2004
>
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
>
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium.
> In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
> give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
>
> Happy Holidays!

The Gold Coast Surf Classic was won this week under contraversial circumstances .................................................. .......................Wait for it














by an indonesian on a wardrobe


NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL FUNNY

I thought it was a tree [img]style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/laugh.gif[/img]