You have far too much time on your hands if you want to trawl all the way back to December 2007 to tell us that that was a repost.
I reckon post away. Most of us enjoyed that.
And the way my brains going, last years jokes are all new to me.
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You have far too much time on your hands if you want to trawl all the way back to December 2007 to tell us that that was a repost.
I reckon post away. Most of us enjoyed that.
And the way my brains going, last years jokes are all new to me.
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.
He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing
25 pounds.
... Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the man just shrugs, "That's about average up our way, folks...like I said - my boy's a typical County Clare baby boy."
Two weeks later the man returns to the bar.. The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of that typical Irish baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you?
Everybody's been making' bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.... so how much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled and concerned. "What happened? ""He was 25 pounds the day he was born."
The father takes a slow swig of his Jameson Irish Whisky, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcisedSee more
I don't have to trawl, I knew it was there. And it is a very old joke.Quote:
Originally Posted by kenleyfred
Maybe start at page one again. There's nearly 200 pages of jokes that will seem new to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by kenleyfred
Life is like a penis...
Simple, soft, straight relaxed and hanging freely
then...
Then a woman shows up and makes it hard...
:D
Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with queenly large breasts.
Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason.
He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.
One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the
Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought about this and said that he could arrange for Nick to more than satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.
Without pause, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.
The next day, Horatio made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's bra while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that, among all of the citizens of the kingdom, only the saliva of Nick would work as the antidote to cure the itch.
The King, eager to help his Queen, quickly summoned Nick to their
chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's large and magnificent breasts.
The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left satisfied and was hailed by both the King and Queen as a hero.
Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding his payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick couldn't have cared less knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King and with a laugh told him to get lost.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .
The moral of the story --
Pay your blasted bills.
;)
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
:D
whats the definition of a wife?
An attachement a man screws on his bed that gets the housework done.
Bahahahahahahaha!!:Rolling:Quote:
Originally Posted by Blknight.aus
I took the wife to a disco at the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor giving it everything he had - breakdancing, moonwalking, back flips, the works. My wife turned to me and said "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down". I said "Looks like he's still celebrating!"
Washing, Ironing, Food and Entertainment :pQuote:
Originally Posted by Blknight.aus
Q - Why do women get married in white?
A - All kitchen appliances come in white...