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Found a mobile phone on my bus the other day. As luck would have it, I knew the owner, and where her twin sister worked. Being a kind soul, I took it around to the twin so that she could return it
.
Naturally this earned me lots of 'Brownie Points' but the best was yet to come...
'Maybe' I suggested :twisted: - 'You could phone (let's call her...) Victoria and let her know you've got her lost phone'
She did.
... and yes, they're both blondes. - True story !
Subject: The Walls Of Jericho.
A school inspector is sent to assess a Year 4 class in a local Brisbane State School.
He is introduced to the class by the teacher.
She says to the class, "Let's show the inspector just how clever you are by allowing him to ask you a question".
The inspector reasons that normally class starts with religious instruction, so he will ask a biblical question.
He asks: "Class, who broke down the walls of Jericho?”
For a full minute there is absolute silence. Eventually, little Billy raises his hand.
Billy stands up and replies: "Sir, I do not know who broke down the walls of Jericho, but I can assure you it wasn't me". Of course the inspector is shocked by the answer and the lack of knowledge of the famous bible story and he looks at the teacher for an explanation.
Realising that he is perturbed, the teacher says: "Well, I've known Billy since the start of the year, and I believe that if he says that he didn't do it then he didn't do it".
The inspector is even more shocked at this and storms down to the principal's office and tells him what happened, to which the principal replies: "I don't know the boy, but I believe his teacher. If she feels that the boy is innocent, then he must be innocent". The inspector can't believe what he is hearing.
He grabs the phone on the principal's desk and in a rage, dials Julia Gillard and rattles off the entire occurrence to her and asks her what she thinks of the education standard in the State.
The PM sighs heavily and replies: "I don't know the boy, the teacher or the principal, and never heard of the school, but just get three quotes and have the bloody wall fixed!!"
Simular to one from bob10, but I swear that this is true!
Years ago, I worked on a medical floor as a nurse assistant. We had a patient who was a very brittle diabetic ( sugar levels up, down, and all over the place).
We had to check his urine every couple of hours. I put some apple juice into a
specimen jar and asked the nurses if we should test it. They said,"Yes", so I upended it and said,"It's kind of sweet to me." I had two nurses nearly faint on
me!
Regards,
Les
G'day Hippocrates..... ;)
I dont like the hippocratic oath.
First do no harm....
(does that mean we can do harm in the second third or fourth instance?)
That joke probably works best with young people who have forgotten that land line phones still exist. Unless, of course that blonde was one of those young people who don't know about land line phones. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by superquag
A boy is born with no body. No arms, no legs. He’s just a head.
On his 18th birthday his dad takes him down to the pub for his first pint and he takes a sip and suddenly, woosh, out pops his torso.
And everyone in the bar says, go on, take another sip, so he does and suddenly, woosh, out pop his two arms.
Then he takes his third sip and suddenly, woosh, out pop his two legs.
And he’s so excited that he runs out into the street, straight into the path of an oncoming truck and, bang, he’s killed instantly.
And the barman says to his dad, “That boy should have quit while he was a head.”
:p
ah yes there is... and I've moved it there
mods.....feel free to remove this .....
I was on holiday over there and in a pub on Saturday night. Had a few drinks ...
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked "Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?"
...
One of them screamed "It's WALES you IDIOT!"
So, I immediately apologized and said "Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?"
That's all I remember .........
Subject: Fw: Blonde on a plane
A PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO , WHEN A BLONDE IN
ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS
SECTION AND SITS DOWN.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS AND ASKS
TO SEE HER TICKET.
SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY
CLASS AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS
THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE
BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN
ECONOMY AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT.
THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO
EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY
SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT.
THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M
GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE."
THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD
HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST
THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON.
THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL
HANDLE THIS, I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE."
HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR,
AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES
BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY.
THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND
ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT
ANY FUSS.
"I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO .”