Printable View
A widow who slept around & around after her husband passed away finally passed away herself & as her casket was lowered into the ground beside her husband the priest said "they are together at last" - to which the neighbour turns to his wife & says "is he talking about her legs?"
A guy asked a girl in the university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”
The girl replied with a loud voice, "I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT
WITH YOU!"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and said,
"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. You felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice: “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy whispered in her ear:
"I study law, and I know how to screw people."
:lol2:
Quote:
Originally Posted by sashadidi
More of a PSA than a joke... :p
I was actually impressed by what Lance Armstrong has done....
When I was on drugs I couldn't even find my bike!!!!
Cockpit Duties......
On a long United flight, before cockpit doors were sealed for the duration of the flight, an elderly lady asked if she could visit the cockpit.
When she got up there, she found four crewmen. She asked the first what he did, and he explained that he was the navigator and his job was to keep the flight on course.
She turned to next one and asked what he did. He explained that he was the engineer and his job was to monitor and troubleshoot any system problems to keep the flight operating smoothly.
She turned to the next one and asked what he did. He explained that as the captain he was responsible for everything on the airplane and the functioning of the crew.
Then she turned to the Co-Pilot and asked "Well young man, what is your job?"
He replied, "Ma'am, I am the captain's sexual advisor."
Somewhat shocked, she said "I beg your pardon, but what do you mean by that?"
"Very simple ma'am. The captain has told me that when he wants my ****ing advice, he'll ask me."
> Here's proof that husbands do listen to their wives.
> This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
> Milk and eggs
> A wife asks her husband,
> "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
> A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
> The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
> He replied, "They had eggs."
> (I'm sure you're going back to read it again!)
Wife rowing with husband, in a loud voice (overheard by all in a ten mile radius)
"If you want something done right, you're better off doing it yourself.That's why God invented VIBRATORS"
Such an unfair world.
When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)
Wife's Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner.
I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong;
He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behaviour I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.
He just sat there quietly, and watched TV.
He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed.
But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.
My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND'S Diary:
Mower wouldn't start, can't figure it out.