Jokes

MAN LOGIC

A couple wants a divorce, but first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child.
The jury asks both the man and the woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child.
The jury hears the woman first.
She says, "Well i carried this child around in my stomach for 9 months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and a part of me".
The jury is impressed and then turns to the man and asks the same question.
The man replies, "okay, I take a coin and put it in the drink machine and a drink comes out, now tell me who does the drink belong to, me or the machine?"

Cheers Rod

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What does American beer have in common with a canoe?

They're both close to water

Cheers Rod

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I like this one better.

Q. What does XXXX beer and having sex on the beach have in common?

A. They are both ****ing close to water

Three friends from the local congregation were asked " When you are in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say? '


Artie said " I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader , and a great family man. "



Sam said " I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher, and servant of God, who made a huge difference in people's lives"


Ian said " I would like them to say, " LOOK, he's moving!. "

Quote:

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Originally Posted by crump

How do you tell if an elephants been in your fridge?

His footprints are in the butter!!

Bwaaahhh haaar haar!:D :D

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I've been working on this now for 10 years and still don't get it. :D

However, given the recent election I will not ask anybody to "please explain".

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Slunnie

I've been working on this now for 10 years and still don't get it. :D

However, given the recent election I will not ask anybody to "please explain".

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Be a bloody big fridge 😆😆😆

Cheers Rod

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The elephant joke is a classic, if nonsensical.
It starts with....

How do you fit 4 elephants in a mini?
2 in the front and 2 in the back.

Now, tell a few more jokes and then tell the butter joke.

How do you know when an elephant is in the supermarket?
4 footprints in the butter.

Then,
How can you tell when 2 elephants are in the supermarket?
8 footprints in the butter.

Then,
How can you tell when 3 elephants are in the supermarket?
12 footprints in the butter.

Then,
How can you tell when 4 elephants are in the supermarket?

By this stage people are rolling their eyes and usually answer 16 footprints in the butter.

But of course the correct answer is.......




The mini is parked outside

Gotta love Dad jokes!

I must be a Dad. That punch line kills me every time...... Oh wait I am. :D

Yep, that ones been a favorite of mine for years. :D

Me too. But I tend to have a warped sense of humour at the best of times!