Jokes

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.

"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."

Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"

I hate this narrative that Chuck Norris has super-human powers and strength. He is an ACTOR, people, not God. If he really is special, I dare him to magically appear in my apartment now, sneak up behind me and slam my face into my own keyboarw2548y5j4w89p\sd;fjiaWw458gA\;SD A5w89*(uj\SGS0\sdg;oijfds a\SDGOPIJsaefph0jsi8p

Chuck Norris was once bitten by a brown snake.
After 5 days of excruciating pain the brown snake died.

Chucky Norris can finish a bottle of milk in 5 seconds - with a fork.

Welcome back Eevo.

Chuck Norris went to the "Virgin Islands", now they are just the "Islands"

Did you know Chuck Norris went to the Mars? That's why there's no signs of life there.

There once was a street called Chuck Norris but the name was changed for public safety, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the funeral service.

Following the eulogy, the heart opened up and the casket rolled slowly inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said .............
"I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral ................ I'm a gynecologist".

The proctologist fainted .............................

My kids keep taking the **** out of my Alzheimers.

Won't be so funny when they wake up on Christmas morning and there's no eggs under the ****ing bonfire.