Jokes

I got eczema, diarrhoea, gonorrhoea, and haemorrhoids last week.

First time I’ve ever won a game of Scrabble.

I went on a tour of the postcard factory yesterday.
It was nothing to write home about.

That actually made me laugh out loud. [emoji106][emoji38]

My obese pet parrot died yesterday.
While it's very sad, and I'll miss him, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

polygon!

Hi,
Parrot on pirate's shoulder.

"Arrk, pieces of seven."

Yep, parity error.

Cheers

Vegetarian or vegan- a big mis steak

Attachment 148687

I used to work at a Calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

A woman was on trial for beating her Husband to death with his guitar collection.

The Judge says ‘First Offender?’

She replies ‘No first a Gibson, then a Fender’

A lady goes into a New York City bank. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the women hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the women for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The women replies "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"