Thread: Jokes

What do you call a gay Dinasour
A Mega sore ass

Originally Posted by Ean Austral

What do you call a gay Dinasour
A Mega sore ass

Red said that when I was a wee tacker on Hey hey

Originally Posted by rovercare

Red said that when I was a wee tacker on Hey hey

If he said it these days they'd be in damage control worse than the jacko skit...
Cheers Ean

A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic which was much worse than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked, "Officer, what's the hold-up?"

The policeman says: "Brendan Fevola is so depressed about his behaviour at the Brownlow that he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself in petrol and set himself on fire. He says everyone hates him. His wife is leaving him and taking everything and he's going to lose his $750,000 contract at Carlton. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him."

"Oh, really?" the man says. "How much have you collected so far?"

"So far only 18 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid. So, she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.


While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.


Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor
in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a heavy parka and a leather jacket at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she if OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is
doing and she replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blond women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house.

He then asks her why she has a parka over her leather jacket. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and it said....


"FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS."

> Fev leaves the Brownlow after-party and decides he needs another drink. He
> staggers through the front door of a bar. Obviously drunk, he lurches up to
> the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for
> a beer.
>
> The bartender politely informs Fev that it appears that he has already had
> plenty to drink. He would not be served additional liquor at this bar, but
> could get a cab called for him.
>
> Fev is annoyed, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out
> the front door.
>
> A few minutes later, Fev stumbles in through the side door of the bar.
> He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a beer. The bartender comes over
> and still politely, but more firmly, refuses to serve him due to his
> inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
>
> Fev looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself
> out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
>
> A few minutes later, Fev returns, bursts in through the back door of the
> bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently
>
> orders a beer.
>
> The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly
> drunk, will not be served a drink and either a cab or the police will be
> called immediately.
>
> Fev looks at the bartender and yells at him in a rage, "Man! How many bars
> do you work at?"

Women Are Evil By Nature...

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.

She seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.

"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.

"Actually, no," he replied.

"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.

"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender.. "Is there anything I can do?"

"Yes. I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.

"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.

"Tell him," she whispered, "There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.
The iTit will cost between $499 and $699 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their tits and not listening to them.