Thread: Jokes

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Originally Posted by sashadidi

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Same as every LR i have ever bought.........

Hopefully these days there has been some improvements

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but chooses not to.

It surely depends how well said gent plays.

Last week, my girlfriend and I were getting ready for bed. The mood was set'dim lights, cozy blankets, and a look in my eyes that said, Oh yeah, it's go time.
But just as things started to heat up, she placed a gentle hand on my chest and said, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."
I blinked. What?! What was that?!
She sighed, as if I was some clueless caveman. "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
I stared at her, baffled. She followed up with a classic: "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
At that moment, I knew'tonight was going to be cold. So, defeated, I rolled over and went to sleep.
But then? inspiration struck.
The next morning, I decided to take the day off and dedicate it entirely to her. We went out to a beautiful, romantic lunch'she was delighted. Then, we hit the biggest department store in town.
She tried on outfit after outfit, each one more expensive than the last. I nodded approvingly, saying, "Oh wow, that looks amazing! Let's just get them all."
Her eyes widened with excitement.
Next, she spotted some high-end shoes.
"But I'd need a pair for each outfit..." she mused.
"Of course, babe! Let's do it!" I grinned.
She practically floated to the jewelry section, eyes sparkling. A stunning pair of diamond earrings caught her attention.
"Those are beautiful!" I said enthusiastically.
Her voice was almost breathless. "Can I get them?"
"Absolutely!"
Then came a tennis bracelet. At this point, I knew she was testing me. But I stayed strong.
"That's fine, honey," I said smoothly.
At this point, I swear she was reaching some kind of retail nirvana. Her face glowed with pure, unfiltered shopping ecstasy.
Finally, with her arms full of designer bags, she turned to me with an adoring smile. "I think this is everything, dear. Let's go to the cashier!"
I took a deep breath, looked into her expectant eyes, and delivered the final blow.
"No, baby, I don't feel like it."
Her face froze. Her jaw dropped.
"WHAT?!"
I shrugged innocently. "Honey, I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
The color drained from her face. A storm brewed in her eyes.
Then, with impeccable comedic timing, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
The silence that followed was deadly.
That night? Yeah? I slept alone. Again.
But totally worth it.

How do you make a water bed more bouncy?
You use spring water.

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