Thread: Jokes

Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women...

And here we go...

#10 -You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.?

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.?

#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the Number One reason
Why Men Prefer?Guns Over Women.....

#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.


Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass
of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins
showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times
with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they
did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked,"Dad, why didn't we just eat them all
at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the **** inside!"



Now you know...

Why Sharks Circle You Before Attacking.

Originally Posted by p38arover

Nah. It's because so many EnZedders have moved here, they've told us all about it. There's well over 1/2 million Kiwis in Oz.

well you know what they say....it's best to learn by doing than watching.
So you tell me how you ozzies have learnt so much over the years...?

Originally Posted by Buckaluckaducka

So you tell me how you ozzies have learnt so much over the years...?

It's true.

Before, I had no idea sheep could make noises like that...

Actually it's not a joke but where else would you post it?............

The Russians are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports. They have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will
detonate any explosive device you may have on you.

They see this as a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this junk about racial profiling. This method would also eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift. Case Closed!

This is so simple...that it's brilliant.

I can see it now. You're in the airport terminal, and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system................

"Attention standby passengers - we now have a seat available on flight number _____".

Thats the best idea i've heard all week!

Collingwood fans are not stupid

50,000 Collingwood Fans meet at the MCG for a "Collingwood Fans Are Not
Stupid" Convention.

Eddie says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that Collingwood
Fans are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer."

Alan Didak gingerly works his way through the crowd and steps up to the
stage.

Eddie asks him, "What is fifteen plus fifteen?"

After 15 or 20 seconds Didak says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed.

Then all 50,000 Collingwood Fans start chanting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!
GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Eddie says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 50,000 of you
in one place and we have the world wide press and global broadcast media
here, I think we can give him another chance."

So he asks, "What is seven plus seven?"

After nearly 30 seconds Didak eventually says, "Ninety!"

Eddie is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh
everyone is disheartened.

Didak starts crying and the 50,000 Collingwood Fans begin to yell and wave
their hands shouting, "GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Eddie, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than good, eventually
says, "OK! OK! Just one more chance...What is two plus two?"

Didak closes his eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four!"

Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 50,000 Collingwood Fans
jump to their feet, wave their arms, stamp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!"

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword, get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day, drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A metal tube used to store dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.