Thread: Jokes

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas .

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?'

Margaret looked him over. 'Nope.'

Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.

Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?'

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled,
'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope,' she replied.

'IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!'

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert.Shoulda bought a hat.'

Originally Posted by Mr Whippy

I am a tad confused here. Should it not be safe sex in NZ?

Dave.

No that confusion might have something to do with the too much kicking bit, I understand it leads to a lot of workers compo in Australia

Sashadidi,
is it true youre banned from going into the shoe section of any store
because you get...um... you have a 'reaction' a near the ugg boots?

Just asking....

(not too many other countries have kept up such a tirade against each other for so long without it ending in war!)

I was in Hungry Jacks the other day, when this Muslim woman walks in wearing a brightly coloured head to toe outfit.
I thought to myself, WOW…..!!

The Burkas are better at Hungry Jacks…..!!

__________________

(from the remlr "Things I've Learnt" thread)


this may help explain the above joke to those from overseas....see end of ad
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jV0ELYEQ-zk&feature=related"]YouTube - Hungry Jacks stupid commercial[/ame]

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up...

The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
"I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.

One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.

He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature.

Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.

Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead.

Now, what do you think of that ?" asked the doctor.

The 86-year-old said, "Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied , "My point exactly."

Originally Posted by digger

Sashadidi,
is it true youre banned from going into the shoe section of any store
because you get...um... you have a 'reaction' a near the ugg boots?

Just asking....

(not too many other countries have kept up such a tirade against each other for so long without it ending in war!)

no we do not have a need for ugg boots here we export them!!!!
yes the rivalry will never die for sure

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:


Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack.

You can never be pregnant.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks and engines.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

Everything on your face stays its original colour.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

http://www.raincitystory.com/flash/screenclean.swf


screen cleaner

very un PC game...

http://www.resist.com/other/border_patrol.swf