Thread: Jokes

An Arab Sheik was admitted to Bumrungrad Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery,
the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose.
As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.
Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.

After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".
To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".

A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory

The personnel manager explains his duties, and tells him to report
to work promptly at 8am.

The next day at 8:45 there's a knock at the personnel manager's
door. The assembly line foreman comes in and starts ranting about
this new employee. He says that he is incredibly slow and the
whole line is backing up. The foreman takes the personnel manager down
to the factory floor to show him the problem.

Sure enough, Elmos are backing up all over the place. At the end of the line is the new employee. He has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles.They both watch as he cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and starts sewing the little package
between Elmo's legs.

The personnel manager starts to laugh hysterically.
After several minutes, he pulls himself together, walks over to
the man and says,


"I'm sorry, I guess you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles!!"

These should come with a health WARNING......

My wife told me to go to the chemist and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

The doctor said I can go home next week .

Originally Posted by sashadidi

These should come with a health WARNING......

My wife told me to go to the chemist and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!

The doctor said I can go home next week .

Australia Day 2012 - Barbie Girl [Sam Kekovich vs Melissa vs Tkautz vs Justice Crew] - YouTube

australia day lamb on the barbie

A southern redneck calls up his lawyer and asks "Wit all dem lawsuits going
on I'm
feelin' kinda left out.

How do I get in on some of dat action? I hears dat people are
suing the
cigarette companies 'cause dey got
cancer and others are suing the Big Mac company cause dey got
themselves
fat and all kinds of stuff"!!

His lawyer asks "And which one of those categories do You fit
under?"
The dear ole country boy, God bless his soul answers.....

"Neider cher, I just wanna know if I can sue Budweiser for all
dem ugly women I woke up wit...

The Arab and the Scotsman


An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery,
the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood,
it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.
Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW,
diamonds & US dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money... But you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".
To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".

Elderly couple in church:

Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"
















Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid!".