Jokes

**spudfan** · 17th June 2013, 06:27 AM

TRUE STORY.
Many years ago while being taught about the reproductive system at school, the teacher asked.
"Any questions on this"
Smart ass from the back of the classroom said
"Are we going to do any practical work on this?"

**Fifth Columnist** · 19th June 2013, 08:48 AM

My wife and I had words - I didn't get to use mine.

**jx2mad** · 19th June 2013, 12:46 PM

My wife and I had words - I didn't get to use mine.

You have to wait your turn until your wife has used all hers up

**V8Ian** · 19th June 2013, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by jx2mad

My wife and I had words - I didn't get to use mine.

You have to wait your turn until your wife has used all hers up

You must be a bachelor Jim?

**Fifth Columnist** · 21st June 2013, 07:48 PM

My friend thinks it'd be impossible to survive at −273.15°C, but I think it would be 0K.

**jx2mad** · 21st June 2013, 08:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by jx2mad

My wife and I had words - I didn't get to use mine.

You have to wait your turn until your wife has used all hers up

You must be a bachelor Jim?

NO! 46 years this year

but I know my place

**digger** · 22nd June 2013, 12:57 AM

Chain Letter Type III

Hi there!! This email chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is
absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as
many little 8 year olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass
this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will
happen to you like:

Queer Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the
side walk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of
poop, and went flying out over a massively high waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died.

This Could Happen To You!!!

Queer Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it
. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some
people swing that way, especially at University). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You!!!

Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter
to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.

Of course, there's the guy in Peoria Illinois who DID forward this on and
then he married his secret crush, they moved to the suburbs, had 2.3
children and lived happily ever after.

That is right up until he started working late every night, started an affair with his secretary and boozing.

Then she started sleeping with the golf pro at the local country club, became addicted to sleeping pills and their 2.3 children got into gangs and drugs. Then everything went to hell, and they got divorced.

She got the house and the kids, and he got the car and child support payment, and got to keep the mortgage payment, lost his job and his car and now is working the midnight shift at the local pizza Hut.

**RANDLOVER** · 22nd June 2013, 03:17 AM

The Lone Ranger comes running up to Tonto and says "Tonto we are surrounded by hundreds of Indians! What are we going to do?" Tonto replies "What do you mean "we" paleface?"

**d2dave** · 22nd June 2013, 08:24 AM

I've come to the conclusion that Google must be female. It always tries to finish my sentence.

**V8Ian** · 22nd June 2013, 06:53 PM

A couple of obese dole bludgers enter a new, computerizes dole office to go through the motions of looking for work. The first bloke enters his details into the computer and it spits out a piece of paper saying:

BIMM
For more information press ‘ENTER’

He shows his mate and asks what it means.
“You got a job working for Mr Bimm,” he replies “push enter.”
The computer then prints:

HY
For more information press ‘ENTER’

“Look, what’s HY mean?” asks the first guy.
“You got a job working for Mr Bimm in Hawaii.” ventures his mate “keep going.”
Next the computer prints:

BAR
For more information press ‘ENTER’

Immediately they exclaim together “In a bar!”
The last sheet reads:

TPOT

TPOT had them baffled but one guessed it must be the remuneration, Ten Percent of Take. It seemed to be an offer too good to refuse, even for a pair of career dole bludgers. They raced to the counter and asked for an airline ticket to Hawaii, each.
“This is a Social Security Office, not a travel agents.” Was the retort.
“But we want this job in Hawaii, working for Mr. Bimm in his bar on 10% commission.” They explained, showing the printout.
“BIMM/HY/BAR/TPOT, you fat fools, means; be in Mildura Monday have your barge arse ready to pick oranges Tuesday.”

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