Thread: Jokes

Q - How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A - A fish.

How many cops does it take to change a lightglobe?

None. Instead, they arrest the bulb for being broke, and beat teh crap out of the room for being black.

I believe a lot of conflict in the wild west could have been avoided if cowboy architects had just made the town big enough for everybody.

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.

He says, "just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try to guess which one I am going to marry."

The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

Then he says "OK, Ma, guess which one I am going to marry?"
She immediately replies "The redhead in the middle."

Stunned, the young man says "That's amazing. Ma you're right. How did you know?"

His mother replies, "I don't like her."

If Donald Trump becomes president, it will be the first time a white billionaire
moves into "public housing" vacated by a black family.

A few science jokes for my fellow nerds



Do you want to hear a joke about Sodium?
Na



What do you call a 6 foot tall circle that just got a university degree?
A graduated cylinder



Argon walks into a bar.
The bartender says 'we don't serve noble gases here'
Argon doesn't react.


A neutron walks into the bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender pours him a glass and says 'No charge'



I could tell you all a chemistry joke... but all the good ones argon.

An old priest lay dying in a hospital in Canberra. He had served the
people of the nation's capital for many years.

He motioned for the nurse to come near.

"Yes father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten before I
die" whispered the priest.

"I will see what I can do" said the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to parliament house and waited for a response.

Soon an answer came back; Both Malcolm Turnbull and Bill Shorten would
be delighted to visit the priest.

As they were driven to the hospital Turnbull commented to Shorten, "I
don't know why this old priest wants to see us but it certainly will
help our images and may even help our re-election prospects".

Shorten agreed it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room the priest took Turnbull's hand
in his right hand and Shorten's hand in his left hand.

There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Shorten spoke "Father of all people you could have chosen, why
did you chose us to be with you at this time when your end is so near?"

The old priest slowly replied "I have always tried to pattern my life
and behaviour after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ."

"Amen" said Turnbull.

"Amen" said Shorten.

The old priest continued "Jesus Christ our saviour died between two
lying thieving bastards and I would like to do the same".

I've put my friend, Richard, on my quick-dial. It's all part of my "get Rich quick" scheme.