Thread: Jokes

No. That's the dinkum item, that is, for sure. I can tell by the skin tones.

A young couple just married were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burley bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride, and said? here put these on ! ? She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. ? I can't wear your pants? she said. ?That's right? said the husband, ? and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family ?.
With that the bride flipped him her panties and said 'try these on? He tried them on, and found he could only get then on as far as his knees. ? Hell? he said, ?i can't get into your pants!?
? That's right? she answered, ? and that's the way it's going to be until your goddam attitude changes !"

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realised I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the car park. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He was afraid that the car could be stolen.
As I looked around the car park, I realised he was right. The car park was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.


Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:????."I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?? he barked, "I dropped you off!"


Now it was my turn to be silent???. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."


He retorted, ?. "I will, as soon as I convince this police officer that I didn't steal your damn car!"

THERE was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a Tiger;
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside,
and the smile on the face of the Tiger.

So, don't ride your Tiger before breakfast?

Charlie was installing a new door and discovers that one of the hinges is
​ missing.

He asks his wife Mary Ann if she can go to Home Depot and pick up a hinge.
Mary agrees to go.

While she is waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye catches a beautiful bathroom faucet.

She asks the manager, ?How much is that faucet?"

The manager replies, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $900.00.

Mary exclaims, 'my goodness, that's an expensive faucet ? certainly out of my price range ...

"She then proceeds to describe the hinge that Charlie sent her to buy.

The manager says that he has them in stock and goes into the storeroom to get one.

From the storeroom the manager yells, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"

Mary shouts back, "No, but I will for the faucet.

"This is why you shouldn't send a woman to Home Depot.

Student joke
Q: What do you call a three-humped camel?
A: Pregnant

How do u make a squirrel squeal... pinch his nuts.

Cheers Rod

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