Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by 123rover50

My wife and I went to the Agricultural Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said.....

"THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.' We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

"THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW! That's almost 3 times a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, In capital letters,

"THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR"

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, 'That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.'

I looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

tha Coolidge Effect .... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coolidge_effect

Went to buy some camouflaged trousers the other day but i couldn't find any.....

A man who took Qantas to court after his luggage went missing has lost his case.

One of the young blokes at work was telling me he picked up nice young lass at the pub last week.
Long story short, she stayed at his place the night and trying to impress her he offered her breakfast.
He said the conversation went like this...

Him "would you like to stay the night?"
Her "I don't normally do this but that would be nice"
Him "so how would you like your eggs in the morning?"
Her "unfertilised would be good"

Man stood on a burning deck with a pocket full of crackers,
One fell down between his legs and blew off both his knackers.

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $3500 on a single hand clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Michael O'Conner looks around and asks "Oh me boys someone's got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?"

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

"Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me."

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers and asks what he wants. Gallagher declares "Your husband just lost $3500 and is afraid to come home."

"Tell him to drop dead!" says Murphy's wife.

"I'll go tell him." says Gallagher

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Pattie looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Pattie explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall - bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Pattie explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
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Wait for the punch line !!
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The bank manager looks back at her and says. "It's a knick-knack, Pattie Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone.".

Originally Posted by jerryd

A frog goes into a bank...

[ame]https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf0zw6Mhrhs[/ame]