Thread: Jokes

A dad goes to see his daughter in her room but the door is shut. He opens it, and finds his daughter and some guy he's never met having sex.
The daughter looks up, distraught and embarrassed. "I... I can explain!... I'm sorry!"
"Hi Sorry, I'm Dad."
He looks at the guy, menacingly.
"Are you ****ing Sorry?"

Why do all land rovers have heated rear windows?.

Its so that you do not get cold hands while pushing them.




My son could not wait to tell me this

I said to the baker, "How come all your cakes are $1 and that one's $5 ?"


He said, "That's Madeira Cake"

Did you hear the producers of Survivor are going to get Yoko Ono for the next series, they reckon she should do well as she has been living off one dead beatle for the last 37 years

Originally Posted by Toxic_Avenger

A dad goes to see his daughter in her room but the door is shut. He opens it, and finds his daughter and some guy he's never met having sex.
The daughter looks up, distraught and embarrassed. "I... I can explain!... I'm sorry!"
"Hi Sorry, I'm Dad."
He looks at the guy, menacingly.
"Are you ****ing Sorry?"

It occurred to me just now, that I have twice worn the pants ( or not ) of the hapless Mr ****ing Sorry. Once discovered by a Mum, ( South African ) who then offered me breakfast. The second time by a Dad ( American ) who offered me the rough end of a pineapple and banished me forever.

Originally Posted by cuppabillytea

It occurred to me just now, that I have twice worn the pants ( or not ) of the hapless Mr ****ing Sorry. Once discovered by a Mum, ( South African ) who then offered me breakfast. The second time by a Dad ( American ) who offered me the rough end of a pineapple and banished me forever.

But you weren't wearing any pants at the time?

Edit: just realised you made the same joke.

Jokes on me

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his Deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.

IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board.

Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life.

He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman, and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.