Thread: Jokes

It's the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbour if someone will be sitting there. "No" says the neighbour "The seat is empty". "This is incredible" said the man "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?" The neighbour says "Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven't been to together since we got married". "Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's terrible... but couldn't you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbour to take her seat?" The man shakes his head. "No" he says. "They're all at the funeral".

After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian goalkeeper personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that traveled to Russia.


He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transaction.

Following their disappointing 2–0 defeat to Croatia, the Nigerian football team has offered to refund fans’ match ticket prices if they send them their bank details.


Captain John Obi Mikel, speaking on behalf of the team, said: “That was a very poor performance and we would like to apologise to our fans who spent a lot of money to watch us play. As a gesture of goodwill and to thank them for their ongoing support, we’d like to refund their match ticket prices.


“Thankfully, the team have just come into fifteen million pounds after the death of boss and friend. My teammates and I are willing to transfer the total amount to our fans’ bank accounts since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.


“Fans should send their bank account details as soon as possible as time is of the essence given we have less than five days until our next match.”

Found on my wife’s facebook

Originally Posted by Ricrose

Found on my wife’s facebook

That should say Motorola, they made the brick.

My wife's cooking is so bad the flies got together and fixed the hole in the screen door.

The definition of optimism: a bald guy buying a comb.

Definition of a pessimist: an optimist with experience.