Thread: Jokes

A guy arrives at a fancy dress party piggy-backing his girlfriend, the bouncer at the door says "You can't get in like that, this is a comic book character party. Who are you supposed to be anyway?" he answers "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and (pointing at his girlfriend on his back) this is Michelle".

We just got in, and someone has stolen all the new turf we had laid last week.

My wife is out there at the moment, looking forlorn.

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

We just got in, and someone has stolen all the new turf we had laid last week.

My wife is out there at the moment, looking forlorn.

sorry to hear you're going though a rough patch.

QUIZ :
ARE YOU A MALE OR FEMALE?
NOT SURE?
HAVE A LOOK FURTHER DOWN TO FIND OUT...

A man sees an advert in a pet shop window for a talking centipede, priced at $120. Thinking he's found a bargain, he buys it and takes it home in a box. After about 30 minutes, he opens the box and politely asks the centipede if he would like to go down the pub for a pint, but the centipede doesn't answer. So a couple of minutes later, he asks again, but still no response. He starts to get a bit ****ed off, and thinking he's been done, he shouts the question again, at which the centipede pops his head out of the box and says, "I heard you the first time you dickhead, I'm putting my ****ing shoes on!"

To whoever stole my sneakers and my fluro vest.


You can run, but you can't hide

I recently joined a nudist colony.


The first week was the hardest.

don't look at the sun through a colander, you'll strain your eyes