Thread: Jokes

bankloan.jpg

That’s like worrying that if anything happened to you - your wife would sell your toys for what you told her they cost!

Originally Posted by Ricrose

That’s like worrying that if anything happened to you - your wife would sell your toys for what you told her they cost!

That is a worry.

A young fella with his pants hanging half off his arse, no front teeth and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local unemployment office to pick up his benefit money.
He strolled up to the counter and said:
"Hi there, you know what... I really HATE claiming benefits, I'd really much rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the system and getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said:
"Wow, your timing is excellent. We've just received a job opening from a very wealthy elderly man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his brand new Mercedes-Benz CL, he'll supply all of your clothes and because of the unsocial hours, meals will be provided free of charge, you'll also be expected to escort his daughter on her overseas holiday trips, but you will also have as part of your job, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sexual appetite."
The guy, jaw dropping and wide-eyed said:
"You're bull-****tin' me !"
The social worker said:
"Yeah, well . . . You started it . . .“

Mary was lying in bed one night when she felt her husband Harry’s hand caressing her neck in a way she hadn’t experienced in quite a while . Then it slid down her side and continued to her knees . Then he moved closer and repeated the same movements on the right side of her body. Then he abruptly stopped and moved away from her.

Aroused and delighted by this unexpected attention Mary says,” Honey, that was wonderful.? Why did you stop?”

“I found the remote.”

when-you-see-this-seems-sketchy.jpg

FB_IMG_1565264123657.jpg

Originally Posted by spudfan

but not quiet the shock that the Invisible Man got....

Maybe the Invisible Man shouldn't have been quite so quiet!