Thread: Jokes

A guy returns home from the doctors. His mate asks, "Why are you looking so miserable?"

"The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life."

His mate adds, "That's not too bad."

The guy says, "It is - he's only given me four tablets!"

Saw a damn funny headline in this mornings news...

Petitions to stop Jeff Bezos from returning to Earth after space trip get thousands of signatures | Stuff.co.nz

Petitions to Stop Bezos From Returning to Earth Get Over 40K Signatures | Complex

Priorities

Joe had been having horrible headaches, so he went to see his doctor.
The doctor said, “Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles.”
Joe was shocked and depressed, but in the end he came to the conclusion that he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.
As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men’s clothing store and thought, “That’s what I need. A new suit.”
He entered the shop and told the salesman, “I’d like a new suit.”
The elderly tailor eye d him briefly and said, “Let’s see, size 44 long.”
Joe laughed, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years!” the tailor said.
Joe tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, “How about a new shirt?”
Joe thought for a moment and then said, “Sure.”
The salesman eyed Joe and said, “Let’s see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck.”
Joe was surprised, “That’s right, how did you know?”
“Been in the business 60 years.”
Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly.
Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, “How about some new underwear?”
Joe thought for a moment and said, “Sure.”
The salesman said, “Let’s see, size 36.”
Joe laughed, “Ah ha! I got you! I’ve worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old.”
The salesman shook his head, “You can’t wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.”

oops

Originally Posted by Alf

oops

Now, that's clever.

Circle beards are in ....

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Originally Posted by sashadidi

Circle beards are in ....

E4aIYSVXEAAzJFC.jpeg

They've really had their heads down driving the porcelain bus in their bachelor pads.

DL