Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Saitch

Such as Elizabeth de Burgh?

Nah. Golf wasn't invented until about four centuries after Robert The Bruce.

Originally Posted by RHS58

Why couldn’t a Scotsman have an Irish wife?

You're correct................. then the joke 'expands' and becomes similar to the '50 bucks is 50 bucks' one.

DL

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . .. . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'

As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed
when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She
replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard. 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was......'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.'

Baby's First Doctor Visit
This made me laugh out loud. I hope it will give you a smile!

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby,checked
his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied.
'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.'
I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, But I'm glad I came.

Appetites vary I guess..

Image 25-1-2023 at 2.10 pm.jpg

A tough sort of bloke and his wife had been divorced for a number of years when she tuned up one night all flusted and with their two teenage boys. She shoved them through the door and announced " I can't handle them any more you look after them " and left. He ordered them up to bed and next morning as the boys were coming down the stairs he asked the first one what he wanted for breakfast. Gimme some ****ing cornflakes he said. The old man grabbed him and wack, wack, wack and through him down the stairs and then asked the second one what he wanted. Well he said I don't want any of them ****ing cornflakes.

Originally Posted by 350RRC

In Vic I'm sure someone could get a legit hotrod built and registered out of that.

In Perth you could drive it as-is.