Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Panda

When I was recently in Tassie ... feeding the horses, putting rugs on, etc, I was forever touching the electric fence. My cousin's thought it was hysterical ... can't say I shared their enthusiasm though. Taswegians have a very strange sense of humour!

wait till you see a bloke pee on an electric fence he doesnt know is behind the bush he's selected.

he didnt think it was funny, we did.

Little Johnnie's neighbor had a baby.
Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.

When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears.

His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie.

Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be ****ed if he needed glasses".

http://www.hauraki.co.nz/content/491...ightStrips.wmv

Enjoy.

Alan

Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the world yet?

The attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution for a client who was due to be hanged at midnight for murder.

His last plea to the governor for clemency had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.




As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him: 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it? ....'

and on, and on, and on.



Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and poured himself a shot of whisky and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by further sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.


While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.


Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over, naked, drying his legs and feet.


She said 'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said, and he whirled around and roared, 'For the love of God, woman, don't you ever stop?'

LOL

There was a Landrover joke on the radio whilst in Perth on Friday.
Did you hear about the bloke who woke up to find a Landrover in his back yard????
It was a nice Discovery
Andrew

The definition of a nervous wreck...

A guy has a house payment, a wife, a car payment and a girlfriend.......and they're all a month late!!