Men don't get told this..

**Tins** · 20th February 2025, 06:10 PM

Last session of 25 today. If I thought the rest of my life would feel like I do today then it would be short. But chin up, as they say. ( They? who the **** is "they"? ) But it will get better. Oncologist tomorrow to see what other little surprises they have in store for me.

**Don 130** · 26th February 2025, 07:42 PM

Good luck with it mate. This too, will pass.
Don.

**Tins** · 10th March 2025, 01:54 PM

I've learned one thing: you find out who your friends are; or rather, who they aren't.

I've also found that the Gummnt offer "Assistance" programs that don't. Apart from the DVA, who continue to fund weekly visits to my psychologist who is probably the only support I have.

Do people believe cancer is contagious or something? If it is, I want to know who I caught it from.

**austastar** · 10th March 2025, 03:59 PM

Hi,
I think most people are afraid of the unknown. To them, death or serious illness is something scary and they are unsure of how they should behave without embarrassing themselves or offending their friend. Thus they avoid the problem and it goes away.
Then they heal their regrets with comforting beliefs and get on with life.
Sad really!
Cheers

**Tins** · 10th March 2025, 04:07 PM

Originally Posted by austastar

Thus they avoid the problem and it goes away.
Then they heal their regrets with comforting beliefs and get on with life.
Sad really!
Cheers

Yes, and then they feel guilty about when it's too late.

**123rover50** · 10th March 2025, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by austastar

Hi,
I think most people are afraid of the unknown. To them, death or serious illness is something scary and they are unsure of how they should behave without embarrassing themselves or offending their friend. Thus they avoid the problem and it goes away.
Then they heal their regrets with comforting beliefs and get on with life.
Sad really!
Cheers

I was diagnosed with CMML over two years ago. No treatment. 26 months to expiry date. Just ignored it and carried on with life. Not afraid of karking as long as its not painfull. Had a good life. So I am avoiding the problem and still going. Maybe its gone away

Keith

**Tins** · 10th March 2025, 06:36 PM

I was diagnosed with aggressive advanced metastatic breast cancer, with secondaries in my lymph system. If they hadn't found it when they did I would be dying right now. Sure, we all are, but I'm a fairly youthful 71, well I was, and I want to keep going for a while yet.

My brother died of ALL. He was 9. My sister died of the beautifully named glioblastoma multiforme IV, and my wife died of acute liver cancer. None of these were pretty. Good luck with it, Keith.

**123rover50** · 11th March 2025, 05:42 AM

You are a stronger man than me John. I couldnt go through what you are going through just now. You have some years left so its worth the treatment. At my age , not so much.
Sorry to hear about your family , they and you have had a rough trot. More than most people expect.
My wife died of kidney failure, 5 years ago now. We knew it would happen eventually when we got married but we had 47 good years to look back on.
Hang in there, we all hope it works out soon.

Keith

**Fattima** · 11th March 2025, 08:07 AM

Having worked in hospitals most of my life you really find out how many people have a phobia of the place.
I also know with my health issues some friends have trouble talking about health and death. People are odd things.

Hope things are on the up for you.

Originally Posted by Tins

I've learned one thing: you find out who your friends are; or rather, who they aren't.

I've also found that the Gummnt offer "Assistance" programs that don't. Apart from the DVA, who continue to fund weekly visits to my psychologist who is probably the only support I have.

Do people believe cancer is contagious or something? If it is, I want to know who I caught it from.

**Tins** · 11th March 2025, 09:23 AM

I began this thread because talking is vitally important, talking about anything, but especially about something so misunderstood among men.

I am not enjoying this journey, who would, but there are so many paths far worse than mine. I simply want to encourage men to find out, to be aware, and hopefully to learn from my experience.

All the treatments have potential side effects ( are they? Seems to me they are just effects, just not the desired ones), which they are mostly good at warning people about. One they didn’t warn me of was the potential for elevated mood disorders. I have suffered from depression for most of my life but I manage, especially after stopping drinking. But the combination of the four different medications I am taking and the hangover from the radiotherapy has really made me hit some new depths. They call it “ passive suicidal ideation “, and I call it having lost the will to live but not having found the will not to. It’s merely going to bed and not wanting to wake up. It’s a real struggle simply to just do the simplest things. Being alone definitely doesn’t help. This is what I was alluding to a couple of posts back. Maybe people need to protect themselves or something. But it’s bloody difficult for me to understand that from where I am.

They tell me that this will pass. I hope so because I won’t last if it doesn’t.

Like I said, this is about awareness. If you have family members or friends that are going through something check in with them often. You might just save yourself some serious regret. And who knows, maybe one day it will be YOU that needs some love, some sign that people care.

Thanks everyone for listening.

Oh, and tell the medical people what a great job they do. I tell them all the time. It can’t be easy dealing with bloody cancer day in, day out, and not every outcome is a good one. They deserve to be recognised, and they appreciate it when they are. I wouldn’t be here without them.

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