Febuary Humour Thread

[scrambler]

Nah Just americans who are all stupid and live in their own world anyway
Any court in Aus or the Uk would laugh every one of these cases out of court. But there again they would have to as they would have never had got there in the first place

I know this is supposed to be a humour thread, and perhaps this is funny in a way, but the legal jurisdiction with the world's highest rate of suing per head of population is ... NSW. And yes, you can be sued for injuries incurred when an intruder breaks in to your house - it's public liability. Not for the self-inflicted stuff, of course, but for them standing on your Katana edge-up on the floor...

[p38arover]

These are older ones

:

5th Place (tie):
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000.

5th Place (tie):
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000

5th Place (tie):
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just
finished

4th Place:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500

3rd Place:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson

2nd Place:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a nightclub
1st Place:
This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City,
Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand new 32-foot Winnebago motor home.

All urban myths. See http://www.snopes.com/legal/lawsuits.asp

Ron

[shorty943]

Nah Just americans who are all stupid and live in their own world anyway
Any court in Aus or the Uk would laugh every one of these cases out of court. But there again they would have to as they would have never had got there in the first place

Don't you beleive it Readie.

In melbourne a couple of years ago, office girl\woman having a picnic lunch in a city park. A bird woke up, stood and stretched its wings, the girl freaked, ran in a blind panic, tripped over a stick, and got $35,000 for hurting her knee. Truth.

Shorty.

[FenianEel]

Righto,

More humour folks - it's a joke thread not a "stupid litigation stories" thread

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were playing golf. The party at the next tee were hitting balls all over the place and taking forever to finish each hole. The doctor says "what is wrong with those guys, they are taking forever to tee off?" The priest says "There's George, the groundskeeper. Let's ask him"

George comes over and says "Oh that's a real sad story Father. Those are blind firemen. The came to put out a fire at the clubhouse and were blinded by the smoke. We felt so bad for them that we let them play for free."

The priest replies "Oh, how tragic, I will pray for them."
The doctor says "I know an ophthalmologist, maybe I can get these guys some help."

The engineer says "Why can't they play at night?"

[moose]

One I heard on the radio the other day:


A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked
into a Bar in Dublin , Ireland .
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy
armpit as she pointed to
all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man
here will buy a lady a drink?"

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore
her. But down at the end of the bar,
an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the
counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman
chugged it down. She turned to
the patrons and again pointed around at all of them,
revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked,
"What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money
down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said,
"Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a
drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg
that high has got to be a ballerina!

[moose]

Some agents from the CIA, FBI, NSA and some third-shift LAPD officers
are hanging out in a Denny's one night, talking about who was best at
what, and the conversation turns to who has the best intelligence
capability. So they agree to release a common grey squirrel into the
wilds of Yellowstone National Park, and whomever captures the squirrel
first, wins. After a paper-rock-scissors contest, the CIA goes first,
flooding the area with agents, watching movements, and studying tracks
of any squirrels and other associated animals, and after two weeks,
come up empty-handed. The NSA tasked several of its satellites,
including infrared and zoom-in technology that enabled it to read
eye-test charts from outer-space, but after two weeks was also
unsuccessful in locating the squirrel. Next went the FBI, which
followed its standard procedure of cordoning off the area, interviewing
every piece of vegetation, every animal, and no trail nor sheer cliff
went unnoticed by its unparalleled forensics units, but, again, after a
couple weeks, no squirrel.

The cops finished their Grand Slams, drove into the mountains, and two
hours later came out with a badly-beaten raccoon that kept muttering,
"Alright, ok ... #### it, I'm a grey squirrel."

[VladTepes]

You want humour ? Here's some:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRD7lAbSXsg

[VladTepes]

A lady walks into a bar and sees a really cute fella sitting at the counter.

She goes over and asks him what he is drinking.
"Magic Beer", he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after that there is no one else worth talking to,goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says,

"That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"

"Yes, I'll show you."

He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building 3 times and comes back in the window.

The lady can't believe it:
"I bet you can't do that again."

He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.

She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the fella says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."

She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body, and dies.

The bartender looks up at the fella and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real ***** when you're drunk!"