Its been a sad day today, I learnt my friend was fired from his job at the council for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
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Its been a sad day today, I learnt my friend was fired from his job at the council for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
An Emergency Call Centre worker in London
has been dismissed from her job, much to the
dismay of colleagues who are reportedly
unhappy with her treatment.
It seems a male caller dialled 999* from a
mobile phone stating, "I am depressed and
lying here on a railway track. I am waiting
for the train to come so I can finally meet Allah."
Apparently "remain calm and stay on the line"
was not considered to be the appropriate, or
correct response......
Learnt that just in time then....
I learnt this boy is as quick as a flash!!!
A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's
supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that
department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.
Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager,
"Some old bastard wants to buy a half a head of lettuce."
As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man
was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this
gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."
The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.
Later, the manager said to the boy,
"I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation
earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"
"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.
"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.
The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players
there."
"Is that right?" replied the manager," My wife is from New Zealand !"
"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"
There is one thing Ive learnt after years and years of dealing with all types of people..
Humans are deuterostomes,
this means that when they develop in the womb the anus forms before any other opening.
Which basically means at one point everyone was nothing but an asshole... (but some people never develop beyond this stage.)
I learnt that just the other day on Q.I
Bugger!, sorry about that, a mate sent it to me and I found it quite good so I added it . ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Landy Smurf
TODAY I LEARNT ABOUT THE AUSSIE VERSION OF CREATION
In the beginning God created day and night.
He created day for footy matches,
going to the beach.....
And BBQ's.......
He created night for going prawning, sleeping and BBQ's,
On the Second Day, God created water....
for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach,
On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs,
On the Fourth Day God created animals
and crustaceans for chops, sausages,
steak and prawns for BBQ's
On the Fifth day God created a Bloke to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good.
On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with.
So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes.
On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good .. ....
Well..... Almost good.....
He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest.
So God created Sheilas to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the Barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good....
It was Bloody Awesome!
IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!!
not that I think you are dumb but it reminded me of this quote from dumb and dumber, Harry Dunne: You know, Lloyd, just when I think you couldn't possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!
Thanks.... ......I think!:eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Landy Smurf
I love this quote...
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe.”
which was apparently made by Albert Einstein !!!
as the thread name says...I'm still learning!
I learnt that the American Medical Association has weighed in on Obama's new health care package.
The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists
advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the
Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.
Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a
misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea
shortsighted.
Pathologists yelled,"Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians
said,"Oh,grow up!"
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, and the
Radiologists could see right through it.
Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the
Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow.
The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new
face on the matter".
The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were
****ed off at the whole idea.
Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty
Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no.
In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the decision up to all
those assholes in Washington !
Feel free to join in