Jokes

New Wine For Prior to Bed

A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted night's sleep.

NEW Wine for Seniors.


Clare Valley vintners in South Australia,
which primarily produce
Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot
Grigio wines,
have developed a new hybrid grape
that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips
older people have to make to the
bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be
marketed as
PINO MORE

I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE!!

What food can permanently reduce a woman's libido by 95%


Her wedding cake

A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?"
Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking."

Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?"
The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"

One for the devoted among us!

For those who are easily offended

[IMG]http://imagizer.imageshack.us/v2/640...922/SfLMNA.jpg[/IMG]

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.

A politician dies and arrives in heaven. St Peter isn't sure where to place him.
"Spend one day in hell and one day in heaven." he says
"Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

When the politician arrives in hell, it"s a golf course and all his friends are there.
They play golf and dine on lobster and the Devil is a friendly guy who tells great jokes.

Next day, the politician returns to heaven and spends 24 hours with a group of people
contentedly playing the harp and singing.

When the time comes the politician chooses hell.
So back he goes, but this time hell is a barren land covered with waste.
All his friends are dressed in rags, picking up rubbish and putting it in bags.

The Devil greets the politician. "I don't understand," stammers the politician.
"Yesterday there was a golf course and we ate lobster and had a great time,"

The Devil smiles "Of course!" he says. "Yesterday we were campaigning.
Today you voted for us!"

A man walks into a bar and and sees a sign about a challenge where you can win a years worth of drinks.
So he asks the bartender,
"What's with the challenge?" The bartender tells the man
"first you have to drink this glass of vodka, then you have to go out back and pull a tooth from an alligator, and finally you have to go upstairs and have sex with a woman".
At first the man at first says no way, but after a few drinks he decides he has enough dutch courage to give it a shot.
The bartender hands him the glass of vodka and he downs it.
He then goes outside to the alligator. He's out there for a while and making a lot of noise.
When he finally comes back in the bartender asks,"What took you so long?"
The man replies, "Where is that woman who needs her tooth pulled?"

Only in America!!!!:p

My mate said to me that he once got his dog to retrieve a stick from 100 miles away.

I thought - that's a bit far-fetched.