Thread: Jokes

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her
wedding night and put it on.She went to her husband, a retired Marine, and asked, ?Honey, do you
remember this??
He looked up from his newspaper and said; ?Yes dear, I do.
You wore that same negligee the night we were married.?
She said, ?Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night??
He nodded and said ?Yes dear, I said: ?Oh baby, I'm going to suck the
life out of those boobs and screw your brains out?.?
She giggled and said, ?That's exactly what you said. So now it's
fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to
say now??
He looked her up and down and said, ?Mission Accomplished.?
{He never heard the shot.}

The mother-in-law arrived home from shopping to find her son-in-law,

Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife

telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ~

and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy

in our marital bed! This is unforgivable!

This is the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving town forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law.

"There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing!

There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find
out what happened."

Ten Minutes later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile...

"Paddy, there I told you there must be a simple explanation...



She never got your email!!

Paddy and Mick decide to go into the potato retailing business. Mick goes and buys a ute and they go to the market and purchase 100 kilos of potatoes for $100.

They set up a stall on the highway and put up a sign Potatoes $1 per kilo. They do a roaring trade and sell out by lunchtime.

Mick has a look in the till and says "Paddy we only made $100" Paddy has a think and says "It's obvious we need a bigger truck"

Then when they realised they were making no more with a truck, Mick suggested that maybe a brothel would be more lucrative. Paddy thought that if there was no money in retailing spuds, they had a snowball's chance of profiting from selling soup.

Originally Posted by V8Ian

Then when they realised they were making no more with a truck, Mick suggested that maybe a brothel would be more lucrative. Paddy thought that if there was no money in retailing spuds, they had a snowball's chance of profiting from selling soup.

Didn't they go into business scalping tickets at Rio

Originally Posted by carlschmid2002

Didn't they go into business scalping tickets at Rio

Yeah, they lost their pants

If a man is talking in the forest, and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

The irony of life is that, by the time

You're old enough to know your way around,

you're not going anywhere.