Thread: Jokes

Do you wanna hear a joke about potassium?
K.

Or for something more agricultural than silver, how about Ag

My biology teacher grew human vocal chords from stem cells in the lab.
The results speak for themselves.

Oh wait!!!!! We haven't cycled around the Periodic Table.

Tom and Nancy met while on a singles cruise and Tom fell head over heels for her.


When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Tom was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks,Tom had taken Nancyto dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Tom became convinced that Nancy was indeed his soul mate and true love. Every date seemed better than the last.

On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Tom took Nancy to a fine restaurant.
While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Tom said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV. In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd bettersay so now!"

Nancy took a deep breath and responded, "Tom, that certainly won't be a problem.I love you as you are and I love golf too but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years, I've been a hooker."



Tom said, "You're probably not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

A woman walks into the pet store looking for a new pet.
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 ONO. Curious, the lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why is this beautiful parrot so cheap?"
The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things."
The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway. She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is:
"Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking, CAWWWWW." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New hookers in the house, business will be booming tonight, CAWWWWWW." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says,
"Good evening Steven!"

So the Parrot was punted from the Brothel for lack of discretion?

Trump, Putin and Merkel are walking along the boardwalk discussing politics.
As is the case with politicians, conversation invariably degraded to one-upmanship about how great their countries are.
Putin boasts: "Mother Russia now has submarine that can stay underwater for two veeks without needing to resurface for fuel! Pretty good, eh comrades?"
Trump, not the kind of person to be outdone by the Russians, tells Putin: "America has submarines... and other stuff too, I'm telling you, lots of stuff… and it's great, bigly stuff, and our submarines can stay underwater, and also, they don't need to come back up to the surface or resurface, for TWO months- because I made them, and our navy, great again!"
Merkel is just about to change the topic to something more sensible when suddenly a submarine resurfaces in the ocean beside the boardwalk. The hatch opens and a man salutes out of it: "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."