Oops,
It looks like the pc speller has caught me. Hopefully, you will get the message anyway. :D
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Oops,
It looks like the pc speller has caught me. Hopefully, you will get the message anyway. :D
Why did the chicken cross the road?
DR. PHIL :The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT' problems before adding 'NEW' problems.
OPRAH:Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
COLIN POWELL :Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...
DR SEUSS :Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain. Alone.
GRANDPA : In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
JOHN LENNON : Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.
ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.
]ALBERT EINSTEIN :Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens!
KEVIN RUDD: I am so sorry that he had to cross the road, I apologise on behalf of all Australians.
BRENDAN NELSON: I too am sorry that the chicken crossed the road but don’t expect us to pay for him to get back!
1975 : Long hair
2008 : Longing for hair
1975 : Acid rock
2008 : Acid reflux
1975 : Moving to Chelsea because it's cool
2008 : Moving to Bournemouth because it's warm
1975 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2008 : Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1975 : Seeds and stems
2008 : Roughage
1975 : Hoping for a new BMW
2008 : Hoping for a new BUM
1975 : Going to a new, hip joint
2008 : Receiving a new hip joint
1975 : Rolling Stones
2008 : Kidney Stones
1975 : Being called into the Headmaster's office
2008: Calling the Headmaster's office
1975 : Screw the system
2008 : Upgrade the system
1975 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2008 : Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1975 : Passing the drivers' test
2008 : Passing the vision test
1975 : Whatever
2008 : Depends
Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.. Each year the list is updated.
Here's this year's list:
The people starting university this year across the nation were born in 1991.
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced four years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine.
They have always had cable or satellite.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a cluehow to use a typewriter.
Do you feel old yet?
nanoo! nanoo!
mindy was hot though,,,:angel:
I am not even old and that made me feel old! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by incisor
Quote:
Originally Posted by incisor
JR who was that?
And i know who MORK is... It was Robin Williams
If we're posting Videos..
YouTube - Flight of the Conchords - Business Time
r
Kids Rock - that was hilarious:D
Only because it's St Patricks Day...:D
You Gotta Love the Irish
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
ababab
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. ; ; ; ; I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
ababab
Paddy was in New York .
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.
He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.
After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"
ababab
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"
ababab
An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine ?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"
ababab
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
ababab
Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he co uld on each place he saw blood.& amp; nbsp;
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.