Thread: Jokes

Originally Posted by Fifth Columnist

The bank will not return calls about a 0% credit card.

They have lost all interest.

My wife just complained to the bank because they wrongly charged us one cent. This is not a joke, she really did complain.

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.


He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:


"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants to make love, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."


To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

Ahhh... the old switcheroo!

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American lady. Although his english wasn't perfect they got along very well.

One day he rushed to the lawyer's and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on circumstances and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?

Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?

It made of concrete

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?

No, we have a carport and not need one

I mean what are your relations like?

All my relations are in Poland

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?

We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player

Does your wife beat you up?

No I always up before her

Is your wife a nagger?

No she white

Why do you want this divorce?

She going to kill me

What makes you think that?

I got proof.

What kind of proof?

She is going to poison me.

She bought a bottle at drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read English well and it says:

POLISH REMOVER!!!!!

A fellow escapes from a mental institution and is on the run from the authorities. To try and get away he jumps some back fences and bumps into a couple of women hanging their washing with very little on. He has his way with them and then runs off as the sound of sirens is getting closer.

The news reporters arrive and the next day the headline reads





Nut Screws Washers and Bolts

What do Japanese men do when they have erections?



They vote.

I recently put a strobe light in the bedroom. Now when I have sex with my wife it looks like she's moving.