Thread: Jokes

Two caterpillars are chewing away happily on a leaf, when they see a butterfly fly close by.
"Isn't progress wonderful?" says one. The other replies "I suppose so... but you'll never get me up in one of those"

Paddy and Mick were looking for work, walking past a timber yard there was a sign out the front "tree fellers wanted", Ah tis a pity Mick that there's only two of us"



Mike and Mick are walking past the newsagents where there is a poster advertising the latest headlines which reads
"two men wanted for $4 million bank job"......Mike says to Mick.....would you look at that, some blokes get all the good jobs.

A tough old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning.


The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died.


She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and an 80-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.

A highly successful Manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.


He asked one man
"Why are you eating grass?"


"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."


"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.


"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".


"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."


The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"


"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.


They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.


One of the poor fellows turned to the Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."


The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"

Survey results on Friendship are out now:


1- 88% wives hate their
husband's friends..


2- 98% husbands love their
wife's friends...


Men are so much kinder & open minded.

A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the
newscaster says "Six Brazilian men die in a sky diving accident."


The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, "Thats horrible."
Confused, he replies "Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and
there is always that risk involved."


After a few minutes, the blonde still sobbing says,
"How many is a Brazilian?"

No English dictionary has been able to adequately
explain the difference between these two words.


In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.


The final question was:How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is NO difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.


*Here is his astute answer:-*


When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!


He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year
old Scotch!