Thread: Jokes

I met a guy who was reading a phone book cover to cover, "How are you finding it?" I asked, he said "Not much of a story, but lots of characters".

Today my book " The best Places To Have Kinky And Exciting Sex" was published.. ..It will be on bookshelves on Monday..Then on top of the washing machine on Tuesday... .Wednesday it's on the back seat of the car.... Thursdays the kitchen table..

Is an argument between two vegans still called a beef?

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep talking like a newsreader.


More on that story later.

From Westprint friday 5 .

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, that it only took a little while. The American then asked why he didn’t stay out longer and catch more fish. The Mexican said he had enough to support his family’s immediate needs.The American then asked, “But what do you do with the rest of your time?”The Mexican fisherman said, “I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, señor.”

The American scoffed. “I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise.”The Mexican fisherman asked, “But señor, how long will this all take?”To which the American replied, “Fifteen or twenty years.”“But what then, señor?”The American laughed and said, “That’s the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions.”

“Millions, señor? Then what?”The American said, “Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos.”

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two.




One to promise a brighter future & the other to screw it up.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking their conversation drifted from politics to cooking."I got a cookbook once" said one "but I could never do anything with it.""Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other."You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish."