A computer once beat me at Chess , but it was no match for me at kick boxing .
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A computer once beat me at Chess , but it was no match for me at kick boxing .
Illinois bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"
She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"
While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he
asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give ole George here your best last kiss?"
So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering
kiss followed immediately by another even better one.
After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even
the State Trooper, and then says, "Wow! That was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting,
Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."
It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed??
Man: Hey Google, tell my wife that I cant make for the dinner with her parents.
Google Assistant: Okay, will do.
After sometime...
Google Assistant: Next time, you talk to your wife yourself..
I have a speed bump phobia.
But I’m slowly getting over it.
Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters.
Ten long miserable years.
If you've not done it before, I'd highly recommend you try blindfold archery.
You don't know what you're missing.
Two Aussies were out hunting in the outback, and came upon a huge hole in the ground.
They approached it and were amazed at its size and depth.
The first said, "Wow, that's some hole. I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is."
The second said, “There's an old gear box over there. Let’s throw it in and see how long it takes to hit bottom.”
Despite it being very heavy, they picked up the gear box, carried it over to the hole, counted one-two-three, and heaved it in.
As they were standing there looking over the edge of the hole, a goat come crashing through the underbrush, ran up to the hole and without hesitation, jumped in head first.
They were so mystified by this that they stood staring at each other in amazement and peered into the hole, trying to figure out what that was all about.
Just then an old farmer sauntered up. "Say, you fellers didn't happen to see my goat?"
The first hunter said, "Funny you should ask. We were just standing here a minute ago, and a goat came running out of the bushes doing about a hundred miles an hour and jumped head first into this here hole!"
The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible! I had him chained to an old gear box."
From the Friday five.
Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques-visualization, association-it has made a big difference for me.""That's great! What was the name of that clinic?"Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember.Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?""You mean a rose?""Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife.... "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?
