Jokes

and another 'Spikeism'.....

'Conraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.'

My wife's cat died so I bought her an identical one. She was furious! "what am I going to do with two dead cats?" she said.

My car over heated, I think it was because the buckle on the fan belt came undone.

The English soccer team just visited an Orphanage in Brazil today.

"It's heartbreaking to see their sad little faces with no hope" said Jose, age 6.

I love how music can take you to another place. Just this morning my local Cafe was playing Taylor Swift - so I went to a different Cafe.

When Oprah heard that the soccer team stuck in the Thai cave, hadn't eaten for nine days, she is rumoured to have said "Such willpower".

I was raised as an only child - my Brothers took that pretty hard...

"Open Mike Night" sounded like a lot of fun until I realised I'd been invited to an Autopsy.

I'm actually pretty good in bed - I rarely fall out of it any more...

Telling a Child that everyone dies is the hardest thing about being a party clown.